Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two hypnotherapists talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:16
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who would like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis and the benefits that it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist,
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor and consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapist talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So let's get on with the episode. Hello and welcome to another episode of I almost said Myth Magic Medicine! - Two Hypnotherapists Talking. I'm Denise in Delaware. And my friend here is
Martin Furber 0:50
I'm Martin over in Preston in the UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:53
And today our guest is Sam Chatter? Chater?
Samantha Chater 0:57
Chater
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:58
Ah, I beg your pardon. Is also in the UK, somewhat near to Preston, but near Hale. And Sam works with women in midlife amongst other things. And she's going to talk to us today. Thank you so much for coming in Sam.
Samantha Chater 1:14
Yeah, thanks for inviting me, guys. It's lovely to see you and catch up and everything. Yes. So where do I start? Basically, I'm a hypnotherapist like yourself, and I've got a big passion at the moment. And there's personal reasons for this as well as you know what I'm seeing in the main as well, to work with people in midlife. I'm there myself going through the perimenopause, currently. And I'm working with another practitioner who's a Nutritionist, a Pilates teacher and a Physiotherapist. And we've joined forces to run a midlife group to help support women living well in midlife. So. So yeah, so
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:59
Can I just interject something? Because I recently worked with Martin on an article he wrote on the area, which I thought was very brave of him, as a man. But can we just reframe how people think about menopause because menopause from a medical point of view, is sort of a non-event, it's one thing stops the next part of your life starts so menopause, when we colloquially speak of it, is that whole period. And, of course periods are what are going away! But is it? How long do you think it lasts?
Samantha Chater 2:31
Well, you look in, you know, the whole kind of change, we start to get a decline in hormones in our late 20s. So..
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:41
Yeah, yeah. So it takes at least 10 years for the whole process.
Samantha Chater 2:45
Yeah, exactly. People don't realise it, they get a little weird and wonderful, you know, not so wonderful symptoms. But it's like, if we have the education, when we're younger, you can make more informed decisions to what you're doing, you know, 20s into our 30s, you know what I mean?
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:02
Really the old fashioned term, 'the change' is more accurate than menopause. It's a process, yeah.
Samantha Chater 3:10
It's a process we go through, which is natural, we're meant to go through it. Like when we you know, start our periods and go through, you know, go from child to then puberty, and it's just a natural transition, unfortunately, the way we live now, and the kind of pressures and stresses we've got on our lives, is not conducive to, you know, to, you know, helping us through this stage, basically, and navigating it and stuff. And I'm not against HRT as such it's good, we've got actual tools and things, but we need to kind of look at how we live our lifestyle. You know, because sometimes, and I'm, you know, Kath, who I work with on the manager-midlife group, she's gone on HRT, she's tried, a lot of lifestyle choices. You know, she has really worked hard on that, but it wasn't enough. But for me at the moment, it's enough the lifestyle changes, you know, and I'm aware when maybe I'll do something which you know, yes, sets off a hot flush, because I get hot flushes, you know, and I'm aware and I can make that choice. And I've got the choice whether I drink the glass of wine, the red wine, or I don't, not always it sets it off. It can be a few, like, a number of things, cooking a hot meal, having a hot drink, and I've had that and then boom, I'll do you know, doing something busy, but I've got that choice. If I've got the knowledge, I can make that decision.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:31
Right,
Samantha Chater 4:31
You know, so I'm not discounting HRT, it's game changer for many women. But you know, if I need it at some point, I'll you know, I'll look into it and make a choice. But at the moment, my lifestyle choices that I'm making and changes are enough at the moment.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:50
It's being aware that that little tiny tweaks can make a big change.
Samantha Chater 4:55
And it doesn't have to be you know, these can fit in your life. because it's a busy phase of life, let's face it, and you know what it's I don't feel for me sometimes there's enough hours in the day and you know, you know, I've got a young family with two young children and then you've got you know, ageing family as well. So ageing parent, I've not got my dad anymore. But Mum, you know, she's on the end of the spectrum. So you feel 'sandwich' we're the sandwich generation.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:23
See Martin, it's not a new term.
Martin Furber 5:26
No, I hadn't heard this before. And then when I was writing my article last week for the Lancashire Telegraph. And I asked Denise, to give me a hand with it, because the last thing I want you to do writing about menopause is to mansplain things to women it's like, you know, what the hell does he know about menopause? And I was trying to write about some of the mental health and well-being effects you know, menopause can have. So Denise very kindly offered to help me. She said to me about the sandwich generation, and I'd never heard that before.
Samantha Chater 5:56
Yeah, it's big. Because the thing is, it's right isn't? Right. Yeah, you've either got you know, if you've got children, obviously, not everybody has, but you've either got really young children. So I've gone pretty much from the postnatal phase into the perimenopause there hasn't been much of a transition.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:15
Some of that is because we are delaying...
Samantha Chater 6:18
Exactly, yeah. And I was 41 when I had my youngest is nearly 4 I was 41. And I was 33, when I had the, the eldest, so it's a different time alone. It has been a lot more challenging, I'll not lie, you know, from just from having this innate kind of thing of wanting more space and a quieter life, you know, and that's...
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:40
And have a kindergarten at the same time.
Unknown Speaker 6:43
It isn't is it? and it you know, so, be mindful of that is like, definitely something I've had to work on personally. Do you know what I mean? Like kind of I am not as patient. So what I've done as well is, you know, obviously, using the Hypno techniques that I've gotten tools in, in that toolbox for stress management, but also living more mindfully has been a game changer.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:05
Right?
Samantha Chater 7:06
It really has.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:07
I can't remember who I was talking to yesterday, but I was talking to somebody, clearly, I was talking to somebody about the fact that we don't honour these stages in our lives as much as we used to your people go, they work, work, work, work, work, have a baby go back to work. Like we don't have that traditional six weeks of everybody bringing your food and leaving, you know, in nice do and taking the baby off your hands, and all those things. And the same thing when we were as we get to what the French call a 'certain age'. And, and that we don't, we don't honour these natural transitions that women go through. And we lose from that that is a loss to us, I think.
Samantha Chater 7:52
But the thing is in the East as well, in certain places, they, it's seen differently is the menopause, it's seen as kind of, you know, you're coming to this next phase of life and you're wise your kind of...
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:06
I think I'd like to be a wise Woman.
Martin Furber 8:10
It's sort of cultural between West and East between the fast lives in the West. And in the East, they seem to revere their elders, they respect their elders, as you say, yes, think of them as the older, wiser person, and they tend to put them up on a pedestal. Whereas, you know, but here we tend to chuck a lot of people in old people's homes and forget about them.
Samantha Chater 8:29
And clearly, the thing is as well it's slightly look at how, you know, socially, it's like, oh, you're finished, you're finished, even in the workplace, the kind of, well, you know, the younger woman and stuff like that is kind of seeing or even in the media, how, you know, they portray women who've, you know, you know, turned grey and they kept the grey and it's different for men how they see men as ageing and isn't it? Do you know what I mean, it's like all she's aged or whatever. Be proud! You know what I mean, this is it, it's, you know, we're against that we see, you know, older film stars and stuff and 'Oh hasn't he aged well' And so when it comes to women, if they've not dared, you know, I mean, keep, you know, dyeing their hair, or they've had face lifts and the rest of it and I'm not, you know, your own stuff. It's seen as you know, God hasn't she...you know, so how we're seeing it, you know, how we age as well.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:21
And when you when you when you see your clients? Are those the issues that you're dealing with the confidence issues, and.. all of that stuff.
Samantha Chater 9:29
Yeah, there's a whole...The thing is there's a whole... there's loads of elements to this because it is kind of the fear of ageing, and what people are gonna think so. You know, self esteem, confidence is hit massively, the kind of habits people are getting into to kind of just shut out this busy kind of crazy world of self-soothing through like alcohol being a big one. Eating, comfort eating...
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:29
Which of course, which of course is making the symptoms worse probably.
Samantha Chater 9:33
Exactly. Because this is another thing is that we have to be more I'm mindful as we get older of what we're putting in our body and on our body as well, because they, you know, some of these things are neurotoxins, and they mess with our hormones. We've got oestrogen receptors, so oestrogen, one of the main hormones, female hormones in every cell of our body. So it's like any as we age, it declines, doesn't it? So it's quite being aware of the kind of, you know, being a bit more mindful with the kind of foods we eat.
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:26
I mean, that wouldn't be a bad thing. Throughout life, it would be nice to start that process earlier. Because junk food is junk food, there's no age at which it is good.
Samantha Chater 10:35
But if you're at a stage where you know, because once again, that's another subject altogether, isn't it a food and what is in front of us and how we live now completely of the conversation. But it's where we're at now, isn't it? It's like you say, we can't change the past of what we've, but the thing is, as we age our liver ages as well, so guess what, you know, the the drinks that we might have been able to put back in, you know, in the day, and our liver can't cope as well. Do you know what I mean? And guess what hormones have got to be, you know...
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:08
Got to go somewhere. Yeah,
Samantha Chater 11:09
There we go. You're smarter than me. But you've got to kind of look at right, you know, and be sensible, really, at this stage of life with that kind of thing.
Martin Furber 11:19
Have you used hypnotherapy to help women with the emotional part of that journey, because I know from personal experiences speaking to women approaching menopause, ie in the peri menopausal stage, they start to feel that they're losing their femininity, they start to feel useless, because they know they're approaching the point of not being fertile anymore.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:40
Or if they don't have a partner, they get a little bit desperate sometimes, which is unfortunate, because you are enough to use that lovely mantra.
Samantha Chater 11:50
It's definitely a lot of people feel when they hit the midlife stage that and they generally don't come from menopause as such, because it's what they're experiencing. And they don't put it down to that often. So it's about you know, coming into life feeling that they've lost themselves almost, but actually, they're comparing themselves to probably their 20 year old self yet, where in actual fact, what they liked then potentially might not be what they're like that, like now, if that may, or what makes they might not know. So it's about creating that space for them to kind of find out find what it is, you know.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:30
How do you help them reflect on that? Do you use journaling a lot in your practice?
Samantha Chater 12:36
I do recommend? Yes, I do. And I use that myself as well. Because, you know, just getting it down on paper, thoughts and feelings. It's a very interesting process, because coming back to it, then can be where the Insight is gained. You know, I mean, I found that about, you know, I journaled. It didn't make sense there. I don't understand it, but I've journaled it. And then down the line, when I've been doing the personal work, I come back to it and gone.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:06
Ah, that's what I meant.
Samantha Chater 13:09
So lightbulb moment, adopts it, but yeah, they do come for emotional reasons. Like just struggling with even the partner not feeling like you know, lack of libido. And some of that may be hormonal, it probably is, you know, a lot of it. But this connection with both, we're not just so I try to, I tend to look at it as a whole what's going on? Do you know what I mean, what is going on for that person as a whole? Because it's, you know, we can do symptom management. But that's not getting to the core of why, you're feeling like this is it. So I like to...
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:44
And each one is going to have a different thing. It may be you know, why didn't I take that degree when I was in my 20s? Where am I going now? I'm 40 my life's nearly over. Speaking of somebody approaching 70 No, it isn't. But I remember feeling that at 40.
Martin Furber 14:00
Now, you said something earlier Sam, sorry, might have been you Denise, about we're not equipped with this knowledge when we're younger, you know, as women what to expect at these times in our lives. Obviously, as men, we're not told anything about it all we know, we know the old fashioned expressions, oh, she's at a funny age, she's at a difficult age, that kind of thing. Which was, again, one of the reasons I was writing that article last week, because, you know, it's one of those things men don't talk about.
Samantha Chater 14:27
Exactly.
Martin Furber 14:28
Men don't talk about periods.
Samantha Chater 14:30
Yeah. And that is the issue. Right? The education needs to come right back into as much as how a baby is born that education biology at school. It's so important because guess what, half the population are women, aren't they? You know, half the population are men. Yep. So, you know, see yourself as a male, but we've got to kind of if we don't educate, how can we expect people to know what to do how to react to their partners. Do you know what I mean?
Martin Furber 15:00
At least half the population will go through menopause and the other half of the population will be affected by it.
Samantha Chater 15:05
Yeah, exactly.
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:08
Part of it is also because we are, we're more likely to have moved away from our families, certainly in the States, 10 miles down the road is different for Britain than than here. I mean, that's, that's the same city. But that you lose that support, you lose that natural education of watching your Gran go through it, or your Mum, or whatever. So I think that we need to be more formal about educating people about it as well.
Samantha Chater 15:42
You hit the nail on the head there, Denise, you really have because we look at how cool you know how society is now people do move where I'm a prime example that I moved to London, in my early 20s. And my parents were in Yorkshire,
Martin Furber 15:55
Look at Denise she moved halfway across the world.
Samantha Chater 15:59
That's even further, you could beat me on that. I didn't have family network close by, my brother was down there. And eventually, and then we moved years later to Altrincham where we are now. But I still don't have that family unit, as in close by. And that kind of bringing up young children was hard. I'll not lie, you know, having that village because it is a village we need to raise.
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:25
You can, you can build it, but it takes time, it does. You have to really consciously look for people that are similar.
Samantha Chater 16:32
Which, I had done.
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:32
if you're right, but if you if everybody in the area that, well most people in the area are having their kids in their 20s. And you wait until your late 30s You're out of sync with your friends, the natural fit for you intellectually. So it's harder to build that, than those were automatic with the family.
Samantha Chater 16:51
What I did, I did gain that through, when we're in London because of recent groups, social groups and stuff. And I did get that kind of, you know, that need met to a degree. Then when we moved when my eldest was three, he's now 12. It was kind of, I knew nobody. It was like quite a slow process. And because he was at that age of, you know, it was, yeah, it wasn't perfect. And it did kind of... I went through a time emotionally, of not feeling supported and stuff and various, you know,other options.
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:33
Would you describe the work that you do? I realise you obviously are using hypnosis but other techniques too, would you think of yourself more as a menopause coach.
No - midlife.
OK Mid-life yes.
Samantha Chater 17:43
Yes. Sorry. Because originally I was gonna Yeah, menopause coach. No, it's it's more than that all this whole transition? How we live in midlife and make the most of it? You know? And also, you know, because the way we live also contributes to sickness, doesn't it and disease, disease. And it's that being aware of even bone health, things we might not be aware of that kind of education, we need to be putting in place so we can make choices in our 20s and 30s that are gonna benefit bone health and brain health. You know, so I feel quite passionate about that kind of thing.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:19
One of the one of the arguments for HRT is of course, a strong oestrogen effect on bone health, because broken hips are a thing.
Samantha Chater 18:28
It's a big cause of death is osteoporosis. Isn't it? Like, broken bones when, you know, it's massive, but I think, yeah, the education is starting to trickle through. But if you look at GP education, it wasn't mandatory, wasn't it is now it's starting to become now. But if you're already a trained GP, say you came back to the UK is you wouldn't have to do it. Because you're already, you know what I mean, you wouldn't have to. So it's, it's it's a bit of a lottery as well, who you get to speak to if you're going to see your GP, I'm not knocking anybody here. But that has to be considered.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:05
Remember, it's... medicine is so massive. There's only so many hours in the day, it's really hard to get all these little twiddly bits in.
Samantha Chater 19:15
Oh totally but 50 Plus, you know, half of the populatioon are women.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:17
Huge, a big population, and no matter whether you're seeing them because their hearts having a problem, or they broke a bone or they have a psychiatric issue, it's still in that if they're in that age group where it's it's gonna affect them.
Martin Furber 19:18
Do you think if men have a menopause equivalent, that was as significant, because there is a cost top of the penopause. If men had a condition that was as equivalent, that this would have been dealt with a lot better and a lot sooner?
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:47
With everything! It's like contraception, oh, yeah, it would have been handled years ago.
Samantha Chater 19:53
Yeah. Let's let's not sugarcoat it, but it's true, isn't it? And I'm not you know, there's it's true, isn't it? It would have been, you know, prioritised wouldn't it?
Martin Furber 20:03
I think so.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:04
So your work, you can help empower women to make sure people are listening, because that's the problem. We've been shut up for a long time.
Samantha Chater 20:12
And it is, there is a change. You know, there has been some big players out there in the media and news and stuff, trying to get the message out. But I still think we're falling short. With the lifestyle. We're kind of it's very much. Like I said, I'm not against HRT, it's a game changer because on women, right? And you've got to make that choices, right. But let's have a balance here of kind of, you know, the other stuff to do as well, which is, you know, can potentially I'm not saying always because it doesn't not every one size fits all, but we've, you know, we've got to take some responsibility as well to try those stuff. I think
Martin Furber 20:48
Sam, so as well as hypnotherapy. Do you equip your clients with mindfulness techniques? I do, as part of, the process?
Samantha Chater 20:57
Yeah, because we're living such fast paced these days, we're not very much living in the present are we? Let's face it, we're overthinking what's gonna happen in the future. Or even what's happened in the past and all the regret we've had or whatever, we're not living in the moment enough, which is in itself is we're not enjoying then are we?
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:21
Now. It's that now is all you've got really, until it has gone, the other hasn't happened. And it's not promised to any of us.
Samantha Chater 21:27
Exactly, we don't know what the future can bring exactly so it's like, you know, there's a lot we can do within you know, mindfulness.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:35
When, when people ask me for, you know, what's the difference between these three things, I tend to say that hypnosis is kind of clear out some of the clutter, the things you need to deal with. And then meditation and mindfulness is what you go to, for maintenance. Now, it's nice to have it, I love having an extra hypnosis session here and there, it's so wonderful, but it's more of a treatment for whatever is bothering you. Whereas meditation and mindfulness is just is part of your practice,
Samantha Chater 22:05
it's a way of life is what it is. It's being consistent with, like, you know, you've got formal practices, and you've got informal practices, so formal will be like, you know, maybe go in and do a body scan lying down for 30 minutes, or 10 minutes, or whatever the time duration. And that's the thing you doing formally, informally, would be like, maybe, you know, brushing your teeth, and just being aware of our...or making a cup of tea and just being aware of, or using your senses to kind of thing...
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:36
Mindful eating...
Samantha Chater 22:38
Mindfully eating, exactly.
Martin Furber 22:41
How far do you go with mindful eating Sam? How far do you go with mindful eating, to the point of, if ..I don't know..If you're eating a piece of fish, for example, do you start to think about the people who fished
Samantha Chater 22:52
You can get to that...
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:56
But it might, you know, you might have to think about it being clumped on the head. I'm plant based so, I don't have to think about the death of my food, but, but it really is about really enjoying every bite, slowing down and appreciating what that sensation is.
Samantha Chater 23:14
It's not just enjoying now, because not everything, you don't have to be judgmental with..or like, it could be that where...Oh, yeah, that, that sensation's different than, you know. But it gives you kind of the laser focus into it to actually see what the nuances in the... do you know what I mean? The real one wouldn't notice because we're rushing. And I'm guilty of this. This is one of my big areas of it's worked really hard on myself, and I still find myself it's this work in progress for me, I'll tell you, all, the kind of rule of thumb, get it down as fast as you can. And you eat past your... listening to our bodies, we go past it, you know, so it's about you know, getting yourself plonked down on that table rather than eating on the go. Because I found you know, your phone and stuff. If it's there near me, you just go on automatic. Oh, and then I'm eating and I'm like, realise that so so I've moved the phone away into another room whilst I'm eating. That's the only thing I'm doing. Everything else can wait. Yeah. And I think if you...
Denise Billen-Mejia 24:22
With the exception of conversation with people we're having dinner with Well, that's yeah, so that's the time to catch up with your kids school and those things.
Samantha Chater 24:30
That would be done differently because you don't have to do the mindful eating at every single meal do you? But it gets you into kind of like you say that social eating with the family when when it's possible. Obviously not in everybody's situation but sitting down and like having that conversation because unfortunately, you see this all the time in restaurants people are out on a night out and they're on the phones. It's sad, isn't it and many people are guilty of it. So it's you know...
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:01
Well, actually is a very definite addiction. They've proven that you get a dopamine hit every time somebody likes something on Facebook or whatever.
Samantha Chater 25:09
Oh yeah. And it's like a third person isn't it? Or second person you know, it's another, it's a relationship.
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:15
It's a more important person, unfortunately, the way that we respond to it, I don't. Yeah, it is hard, especially if you're if you have people communicating from all over the world with me. Don't ping me at two o'clock in the morning just because you're in Australia.
Martin Furber 25:34
Talking of all around the world, Sam, you're still operating online as well, aren't you?
Samantha Chater 25:38
I am. Yes. Yeah.
Martin Furber 25:41
Okay. Because we were talking to somebody in Australia earlier on. Where's your furthest clients, have they all been UK based?Or have you had any abroad?
Samantha Chater 25:49
Just let me think, their mainly UK based, mainly UK for me, because I've not kind of marketed out there.
Martin Furber 25:56
They're all around the UK?
Samantha Chater 25:58
Yeah, yeah. Because I get referrals from corporate companies as well. At first, it was for a lot of long COVID kind of recovery, just to help the emotional side of it and physical because we can do that. It's amazing what we can do physically, as well as in it for pain relief and various other kinds of things. But yeah, I found like, obviously, that's changed. Now. It's gone into kind of lot of other different issues as well. And some of them are kind of more female based issues. So I think it's to do with the menopause. But it's, you know, a lot of what we've talked about.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:34
Yeah. And if they're in, if they're in perimenopause, when they have whatever issue, it's going to compound the situation.
Samantha Chater 26:41
Totally, totally. And it does, it's like, you know, and having as many tools as you can to kind of navigate this period is so important, isn't it? You know, really is it's a fact, I'm really great. That's one of my biggest gratitudes that I actually have a big toolbox. I forget to use some of them sometimes don't we all.
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:03
Yeah, there's, there's a nice segue, let's talk about memory and the change 'Brain-Fog'.
Samantha Chater 27:09
I can honestly say, Yes, I get it. And do you know what I can be out and about? And I see somebody who I know really well, and I forget their name. Yeah. I think just it's embarrassing. And I've learned to kind of just breathe, do you know what I mean and just say to them, Do you know what I've got? And just be honest, because, you know, it's not my, my issue how you're gonna take and say, I've forgotten your name Denise. You know, how you're going to take, or you know, react to how, I what I've done.
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:45
Right, that's not your responsibility.
Samantha Chater 27:46
It's not my responsibility, and it's taken, you know. My response to it, I can be honest with you, or I can just shut up and you know, keep quiet.
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:57
And go 'Oh hello you!'
Martin Furber 27:59
And you get the brain fog too round about the same age. I call it my 'senior moments'.
Samantha Chater 28:04
Well, you do go through the andropause, which is a male menopause. So that is, you know, most blokes don't you know.
Martin Furber 28:12
They get lowering of testosterone levels don't they?
Samantha Chater 28:15
Yeah, exactly this, you know.
Martin Furber 28:16
Is that correct Denise?
Denise Billen-Mejia 28:18
Yes, it is, but it's not quite as dramatic.
Martin Furber 28:21
That's what I said, if men went through something anywhere near as dramatic and significant...
Denise Billen-Mejia 28:24
But you do, you do go through the midlife crisis a bit more dramatically than women do. Usually. Because women are usually busy doing putting out all the other fires with their kids and their parents.
Martin Furber 28:34
Are you talking about the one with men where it's usually either a Mistress a Harley Davidson or a sports car.
Denise Billen-Mejia 28:38
That one yeah, that's the one.
Martin Furber 28:40
People just need to be heard. I mean, it's a basic human need, isn't it to feel understood and to feel heard?
Samantha Chater 28:46
Yeah, totally. And that comes in, I think, the core of any therapy, doesn't it? You know what I mean, any therapy anybody's... There should be those core conditions of you know, like, empathy, congruence, being genuine, and, you know, and a non judgmental approach. And we do that and it's Yeah, listening is powerful, isn't it?
Denise Billen-Mejia 29:14
Yep, no pocket watches, no cloaks, no Woo-Woo.
Martin Furber 29:20
And no BS!
Samantha Chater 29:22
I had that today. When I was chatting to somebody and they asked me, what do you do? So, here we go, straightaway, it was like when I'd said, Yeah, hypnotherapist and do you know this? Or that? And they're like, Yeah, I said, I'm constantly Yeah, constantly educating in what it is what it isn't.
Denise Billen-Mejia 29:46
Yeah, I was at the hairdresser's yesterday, and the usual conversation with somebody that hadn't cut my hair before. No. So what do you do? I'm a hypnotist. Oh, like on Get out? No, that wasn't very accurate, amusing though, wasn't it?
Samantha Chater 30:03
Yeah, so we do you know, I think as hypnotherapists, hypnotists, whatever you want to, you know, term yourself as. I think we do come up against this, don't we a lot in this modality, in this type of therapy. It's yeah, it's there's a lot of misconceptions, which, you know, you got to do a lot of work kind of...
Martin Furber 30:23
That's it, we're still a long way to go in getting rid of these myths and misconceptions.
Denise Billen-Mejia 30:28
But a lot of that, you know, by the time somebody has called you up, they at least, are open to being told it's not the same as on the TV . Unfortunately, a few people will think it's, they'll sit in the chair, you'll go 'snap' problem over.
Samantha Chater 30:41
Exactly, it's exactly that the 'magic bullet', isn't it? It's like their expert or magic wands, sorry, not bullet. That's the question, isn't it? But yeah, the magic wand, where you, they are just going to sit in your chair, and you're going to go wave that magic wand and they're going to be fixed. And it's not that at all, it's a two way process we're facilitators basically, aren't we helping them to kind of...
Denise Billen-Mejia 30:51
That's what I should call myself, I should call myself a hypnosis facilitator.
Samantha Chater 31:14
But yeah, we are, that's what we are facilitating in helping that person, you know, help with their change, whatever that may be, isn't it?
Martin Furber 31:24
I always explain to people how they do 90% of the work in their subconscious in the background after they've left. The good analogy that I always give them the doing the crossword in the paper analogy, where you put it down, and three hours later the answer will suddenly spring to mind even though you weren't consciously thinking of it. Because your subconscious mind was working in the background all the time. And that's what happend when you leave here today.
Denise Billen-Mejia 31:49
When you go home from your shopping trip, where you bumped into the person whose name you couldn't remember the minute you get into your house...
Martin Furber 31:54
You'll remember!
Samantha Chater 31:57
That's it, but I love your analogy there of, or metaphor is it analogy or a metaphor?
Martin Furber 32:02
I think that's an analogy.
Samantha Chater 32:03
Yeah, I always get mixed up with the two. But it's like, that's perfect.
Martin Furber 32:08
But that is how it works.
Samantha Chater 32:10
Yeah, it happens afterwards, doesn't it? Because it's a process in part of the brain.
Martin Furber 32:15
Yeah, immediately afterwards, they just feel nice and relaxed and refreshed. But the actual work takes place after, after they've left.
Samantha Chater 32:23
Yeah, it can be a bit longer. It can be quite a while as well.
Denise Billen-Mejia 32:29
It depends on the personality type. And I'm yeah. That's why I always have two weeks in between my sessions. For some people, I wouldn't want go longer than two weeks. So I'll shorten it a little bit. But no, no, no shorter than one week in between sessions, to take full advantage of it, why come and tread on something and still in process that get the full value of that session, and then get another another session to work on the next issue. That's good.
Martin Furber 32:56
Another one where the time has flown by.
Denise Billen-Mejia 33:00
Thank you so much. It was great to see you again, Sam. It's been ages.
Samantha Chater 33:03
Oh no, thanks for inviting me I really appreciate it.
Martin Furber 33:06
Thanks Sam. we really appreciate it. And it's been lovely to catch up with you as well.
Samantha Chater 33:10
Thank you so much.
Denise Billen-Mejia 33:19
We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember, this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 33:36
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
