Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two hypnotherapists talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:16
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who would like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis, and the benefits it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist,
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor, turned consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapists talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So let's get on with the episode.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:39
What fabulous thing will we be discussing though?
Martin Furber 0:42
Well, interestingly enough, I put a post out on LinkedIn yesterday saying nobody comes to therapy to change their past, they come to change their future. And it got an awful lot of reaction, people leaving a lot of comments saying about that, because I've said, you know that the past has happened. It's a moment in time, we can't change the past. We can change how we feel about the past.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:09
Yeah,
Martin Furber 1:09
We can change how we let things affect us, we can change the future, we can control our future, etc. and it encouraged an awful lot of sort of interaction.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:24
Good. Engagement is the term.
Martin Furber 1:27
Yeah, my head's all over the place. If this is going out our viewers and listeners yeah, I've had a bad day.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:35
You've had you've had a ridiculous day with, with people not following up on what they said they were going to do.
Martin Furber 1:41
Yeah, but you know, at the end of this day, I will look back and say that was actually an alright day, because I've got everything sorted that needed sorting. So that's what it's about. Yeah. So that was what the last few days were about, and having the hypnotherapeutic skills to be able to do that. How's your day?
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:59
My day is going fine. I woke up, I thought I was going to be late, but you had to put stuff off. So that's good. So I got to have another cup of coffee.
Martin Furber 2:08
I'm on my tenth one!
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:08
Weel, remember, we are five hours difference, I can catch up. But I had a great evening when I had been invited to what sounds like a terrible experience to an 'Active shooter training' yesterday. Now that is certainly not something that you would expect people to look forward to or even in the UK probably anticipate taking. But in the US it is pretty common. And...
Martin Furber 2:39
You do that in the schools over there as well don't you?
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:42
Yeah, yeah. This was specifically put on by the Leuitenant Governor for interfaith leaders. But that's their term, not mine, but various people, from the the different faith communities, because we have large gatherings of people who might be targeted. Unfortunately here, it's supermarkets. I mean, they could be for anybody, but it is a way to get the word out to people. So most of us there and are supposed to go back to our various congregations and talk to them about it. But how lovely it was, very well done two state capitol police officers gave the talk their chief was there. They also tacked on the end something I as an ex ER doc I'm thrilled by. They did little CPR training too, and how to put on a tourniquet.
Martin Furber 3:30
That could be very useful.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:33
Very and but it was very nice because they were also talking to the various churches and synagogue leaders and suggesting why don't we have some CPR training in your church and this it was a really a very positive two or three hours that we spent. And then several of us went out for dinner at 8:30-9 o'clock at night. It might sound normal to a Brit, but it's really late at night for food in the US.
Martin Furber 4:00
Quite well quite late over here. Unless you unless you're going to a restaurant I suppose. Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:06
Yeah, we weren't. We were a little bit restricted because a lot of the kitchens were going to be closing by time everybody could get there and sort of, but it was a delightful evening. Somebody from, who knew the rabbi whom I was travelling with, came over and she brought her artworks, did a little art exhibit in the restaurant.
Martin Furber 4:27
That's lovely
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:28
But much later, much later finishe to my day by the time I got back, Dover is about an hour from us. So it was it was quite late, by the time I got home there, I had to sort of wind down. I was quite proud of myself. I was in bed at 12:30 which is really very good considering I didn't get home till 11.
Martin Furber 4:47
You dirty stop-out! What you were saying about doing CPR in places. Are defibrillators common over there?
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:56
Yes. And that was what they were talking about. That the fact that there's there's grant money to have these in other places. And so it was it was a very positive evening, we were talking about PTSD, and how people respond, the flight fight, mostly people freeze or fall over. They showed with many, many caveats before they started. Play for, you know, if you don't like this kind of thing, close your eyes, like your ears or leave. And they were just, you know, a few seconds of the tapes from these actual, as they were really happening, events. And it was very interesting to hear the police officers analysing how people were responding to what was going on. He said, let's see how this person did this. But he hasn't gone down there. So playing dead isn't going to work. He's going to know that he didn't shoot, you know. Thankfully, that lady lived, but it was very enlightening, in some ways, something I hope I never have to deal with, but it was talking about, you know, how to figure out where exits are and how to get out of windows. And remember to look before you jump out because having a broken leg at the bottom of Windows may not be so helpful for you.
Martin Furber 6:23
Well yes, you might not be able to run any further, if the shooter then points a gun at you out of the window.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:28
Yeah, but you know, again, it was, I hope nobody ever has to go through that again, which in America is unlikely because we have these things all the time. It was just interesting to hear about how people respond and several other people in the in the community who were listening, were ex veterans, and so they have been to theatres of war. And know a lot about PTSD and how, you know, several people say, Well, I can't tell if it's a bullet - if it's a gun.
Martin Furber 7:02
Or a car backfiring, a bullet
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:05
You'll know! Yeah, so it was very interesting. It was very interesting to ponder how I might respond if something like that were to happen.
Martin Furber 7:19
Hmm. Yeah. So often, though, you hear of even over here, shootings in the street, and people say they don't realise it was gunshot. They hear loud noises in succession, you know, bang, bang, bang. And it's only... you don't think oh, maybe it was a firework going off? Because that would be perhaps your first thought over here.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:38
Right?
Martin Furber 7:39
Whereas over there you might think it's a gun.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:41
Yeah. I think part of that is how far away is it when you're when it's heard? If you're hearing it, and it's close to it doesn't sound like firing cars. But it was... Yeah, it was just very interesting. And one of the things, of course, that has happened here, on a number of occasions is, it's shootings in schools. And of course, children are lots of places with their adult parents, when they are in other places than schools. There was a video which showed a mother trying to get her child out of a stroller in order to run, despite the fact that she would have taken that child in and out of that stroller, you know, hundreds of times, probably, by the age of the kid. But she she couldn't because you know, nothing works when you're in panic mode.
Martin Furber 8:30
Of course, absolutely. Well, logic goes out the window, doesn't it when the primitive mind takes over.
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:37
But we probably... I don't think you can get hypnotised to to deal with a possible future event that you hope will never happen. But I do think it's, it's perhaps a pause to think about it. But again, it's another you know, that, of course, it's a terrible trauma. But there are lots of little traumas that can affect children, or how that child who is being half of the stroller was going with the parent as they were trying to get away. How is that little one going to be remembering that event because some part of her will remember that event.
Martin Furber 9:06
I mean, I can remember being at school as a child at primary school, and of course, you do your fire drills, and once every term or every year, and the children used to...We just have to line up outside to be counted by our teachers, etc. And I can remember a couple of children being really upset, but what if there was a fire and you know, you're starting to sort of negatively forecast, you know, what, what will probably never happen, but some children would be really upset by it. Maybe it was a manner in which the fire drill was done. Maybe, you know, they were, you know, more sensitive to that kind of thing - to that kind of stimuli.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:43
Well, and they may have had a relative who has had a fire I mean, there are so many things that affect people. One of the things they did point out though, he, the police officer speaking on stage, I remember like rolling my eyes. Here we go again, another flippin thing that's never going to happen, but I assume he's you remembering being an adolescent, this sounds more like an adolescent than a younger child. But, but it's muscle memory. It's so you learn a thing, you have to do it every year, not only because, yes, it's engraved, but also your exits are different when you're in a different room. So you need to learn how. That was a very interesting evening, and it was beautifully finished off by going for a lovely dinner. Nothing about trauma, in a lovely restaurant, where of course, had something happened, we wouldn't have, first thing we said when we sat down, we aid, Okay, where are the exits?
Martin Furber 10:34
Well keeping on a similar theme of the intellectual side of the brain and the primitive side, PTSD when things take over. We all know when we're in the primitive side of the brain and logic can go out the window. Now, this coming week is of course, Valentine's Day. Yeah, so what I'm thinking, let's just talk a little bit about why logic can go out the window when somebody falls in love.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:01
It's a long time ago now.
Martin Furber 11:05
But it's a similar, it's a similar principle isn't it?
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:08
Your emotions, period. Whatever they are, yeah.
Martin Furber 11:12
But, those, you know that those primitive instincts have taken over. And you find yourself feeling very, very different from how you did the day before for example, if you just met somebody you've fallen in love with, and logic tends to go out the window, you sort of idealise everything. And you may not see the bad side of somebody, or you know.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:33
Oh, absolutely and it's it spills over to everything else. Rosy coloured glasses, the world's a wonderful place, which is nice.
Martin Furber 11:42
Yeah, it's a similar, it's the same principle, isn't it?
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:45
Mm hmm.
Martin Furber 11:46
Yeah. Yeah. So...
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:48
Do you work with people who are? Well, a rare person would go to a therapist because they fall in love and they feel wonderful. But people on the other side of that coin, quite often seek help.
Martin Furber 12:05
I have dealt with somebody who sort of, in their words, had lost that loving feeling and wanted to get it back. They were quoting the lines of a song to me.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:13
Still in the relationship. Okay, that's good.
Martin Furber 12:16
And they actually wanted to start seeing more of the positive side of their partner they freely admitted their partner hadn't changed very much, but they had. And they wanted to sort of take a kinder look out for their partner and at their partner, and wanted to get that loving feeling back as I say, they quoted the lines of a song to me when they spoke to me. This was quite some time ago now. Yeah, they wanted to just in general, it was it was the same, same situation within a lot of people. Their metaphorical metaphorical, should I say put my teeth in, stress bucket was full. So of course, when we're stressed-up we tend to see things in the worst case scenario, and that includes people.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:00
Yeah, and everything that they do irritates them more.
Martin Furber 13:03
Yeah. Yeah. And once I've explained that, because they thought something was wrong with them, you know, their partner hadn't particularly changed towards them. But they felt differently and didn't want to feel like that.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:15
It takes quite a bit of insight to realise that that isn't the case. It's usually Oh, you're just not the man I married.
Martin Furber 13:26
So I just thought that one might make an interesting explanation as well, with it being Valentine's day this week, and of course, mentally healthy relationships.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:34
Yes, that's always good.
Martin Furber 13:37
It's all mental health and mental well-being, I like to say mental wellness, not mental illness. It's all about you know, what. I would say my number one thing in a mentally-healthy relationship is knowing each other's boundaries and sticking to them.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:54
And each other's languages.
Martin Furber 13:56
Hmm,
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:57
I don't mean you know...
Martin Furber 13:59
You don't mean literally as Yeah, or Spanish from English.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:04
Yeah, that's an interesting, another commonality between us. We're both married to people who are from other cultures.
Martin Furber 14:10
Well, what does your other half swear in his native language or in English?
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:15
Depends? Yeah. He's lived here for a long time now, and it's quite a long time. But he realised after a few years here, he realised he was dreaming in English.
Martin Furber 14:28
The same thing happened with Nick. I asked him what what language do you dream in, and he dreams in English now. He swears in English. But if he starts swearing in Flemish, I know just leave him alone. And that means he's in a really bad mood, it means he's thinking in Flemish as well.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:44
Yeah, what I found with Francisco is, he will quite often say something in Spanish or relative, particularly before his mother passed, he will be speaking to his mother and then look at me, and think he was translating. Because he's on the phone. Oh, I'm talking to Denise, just thought I'll speak to her in English, but it's in Spanish, it's coming out and I speak Spanish so it's okay. But it was very clear he thought he was speaking English, he wasn't. Those are the words that are coming out. Don't realise what language your actually using, because a lot of the time it's a word, some people think, quite differently.
Martin Furber 15:18
Oh, yeah, you think, you think once you learn the language you think differently and I know that from my basic vocabulary in Portuguese. Once you start speaking, if you start to think in the same manner the people do, then the language is a lot easier to learn. But what I found was, after a couple of years and living over there, when I came back to England, no problem speaking English, obviously. I started speaking English, but putting the sentences together in a Portuguese style. So I'd say the house of somebody, rather than somebody's house. Just getting the phraseology mixed up for a little while. And again, it's all there in the brain, isn't it? You see everything's filed away. Nick always laughs at John Claude Van Damme. The Filmstar who's Belgian. Because a few years ago, he said on a programme, I can't remember any of my Flemish now. Well, I don't believe that for a minute. You don't forget your native tongue
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:14
You do, I do find occasionally, that there were a few words in English, that I had just I was so accustomed to using their equivalent in Spanish, that I no longer remember, I would say I would use the Spanish word. Like attendance is asistencia. So I would just use that word and think, what is the word? I know we use it! Not thinking of the concept, it was just that word. And Francisco will occasionally do that, that he just won't be able to remember a Spanish word because it's so, he's thinking so completely. So having got that out of the way, what should we talk about now?
Martin Furber 16:57
We've done Valentine's, we've done primitive mind. One thing and another. There's no point talking about stress.
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:04
We've both had rather a stressful couple of weeks. Not, my stress has been very positive. But nonetheless, even good stress is stress.
Martin Furber 17:11
Yeah, I know. No, mine's been absolutely positive. And it is, it is quite remarkable actually the difference since becoming a therapist, and since I started to train as a therapist. It's seven years this year, since I started training. Yeah, since starting to train as a therapist, handling, the stress is so much easier. So much easier, if you find your own simple things. Like today, running around, and then having to walk five miles to go and get something because my car's in for a service. Normally, in the past, I would have been in such a strop, and got myself so worked up, and walked faster and faster, and sweated. Now, I went a nice brisk pace and could feel myself coming down, stress levels coming down. And just getting on with it. And when I got back with everything, it was like yeah, great, fine.
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:58
Walking is my go to de-stressor anyway, so yeah.
Martin Furber 18:02
Me too.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:04
Yeah, when I was much younger, I really liked to walk in thunderstorms. Which doesn't apply to people in Dominican Republic because they stayed the heck away from it. Oh, yeah, it was nobody interfering with me. Nobody else wanted to just say hello. I'm having conversations in my head with people who aren't here, leave me alone.
Martin Furber 18:25
I quite like watching thunder storms, but from inside the house. Yeah, I quite like watching a good storm.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:32
So what are your plans going forward? Now that this we think all these little stresses, these are mostly technological things, do you think those all tucked away now? So what what is your reset button for this week? Are you taking the weekend off?
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:48
No, not at all.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:49
We normally record these on Mondays, and so we've usually got a much better, where today we're completely winging it. Because you've had to wait and wait and wait for the stresses resolve themselves.
Martin Furber 19:01
So, my plans for this weekend really, really boring. When we've made this recording and then you send it over to me, I will be editing it on my new computer, and then doing the transcript, which takes about four hours putting the whole thing together, uploading it into YouTube. I'm sending you the audio bits, so you can do all the things you have to do with that over there. Because you know if people haven't gathered by now, this is a proper cohosted joint effort podcast.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:34
Yes, and I will send you the other links back. Yes. Yeah.
Martin Furber 19:37
So yeah. And so, if you're listening to this now on Sunday, yeah. This was a very quickly put together podcast.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:44
Yes. We didn't want to leave you without anything. Although it may, make you think these people are crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Call us, call us and talk to us. I actually have a fairly busy day, I've got to keep an eye on it. So I've got an 11 o'clock potential client followed by a twelve o'clock chat with another hypnotist who I'm doing a joint project with. And then my regular Friday afternoon client that I physically see in town contacted me, I think she's managed to figure out a ride. So I'll be able to start seeing her again on Friday afternoons. So reshuffling a lot of things. And just deciding, you know, deciding what to do. And then you know when you had to put this call off by half an hour? Oh, let me get off, let me get on with my email. Oh, doctor's appointment coming up. Oh, let me arrange to get my luds done. Like a calendar, constantly redoing things in my head.
Martin Furber 20:39
Oh, thank you for being so flexible anyway.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:41
Oh, no, no, there's no problem.
Martin Furber 20:43
Never again, shall I leave myself in a technical situation where I am without a functioning computer.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:49
Yes, yes.
Martin Furber 20:52
Next week, I'm off to buy a new laptop as well. So I've got the back-up.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:55
Okay. Yeah. Okay. So you don't trust this one to be the back-up?+
Martin Furber 20:58
No, no, because the batteries,
Martin Furber 21:01
I can see the battery dying as we're speaking now. It that'll do as an emergency backup, but I need two functioning computers. I need a base one and a laptop. And then I'm sorted. And what I would like to talk about for a few minutes before we wrap up for today, actually is, you know, I'm going to be teaching Mental Health First Aid to people within companies. Mental Health First Aid over here, it went in front of Parliament this week over here, actually, they're trying to legislate that all workplaces over a certain size will have to have a mental health first aider as well, at the moment, you have to have a medical first aider, ie..
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:41
Right
Martin Furber 21:41
if you cut your finger there's somebody at work, you can go and see who'll deal with it for you. If you're feeling faint, you can go and see somebody and they will make an assessment. You know, there may be a medical intervention required,
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:52
Which circles back to the earlier part where I was talking about why I was, why I was at a training up late last night.
Martin Furber 22:01
Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:01
That if we can catch people who are having problems earlier, we see them earlier and can reach out and ask if they're okay, before. Maybe some of this would be less awful.
Martin Furber 22:15
Mmm, absolutely. The other thing is as well, of course, I mean, are you talking about before somebody turns into a random gunman?
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:25
Yeah. Not having access to guns, definitely would improve the situation.
Martin Furber 22:29
Well, yeah you can see the difference over here.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:31
Yeah, it's, yeah, it's, it's, you know, I, I've worked to a place for 40 years, and they've just given me my pink card or whatever colour it is in England. Yeah. And it's just the straw that breaks the camel's back for a lot of people that these things happen. I mean, obviously, there are mental illnesses that yeah, are not going to be able to be fixed. No matter what, but there are also just, there's just so much pain in the world.
Martin Furber 23:01
Absolutely.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:02
And just so much isolation. And this last three years, with people having to be in lockdown, a lot of social normal connection has been lost.
Martin Furber 23:13
Yeah, I mean, connection is vital. We know that, we say it virtually every episode as well, don't we that human interaction and human connection is vital. It's, we are tribal creatures. You know, that's what's built into us. That's how the evolutionary process continued. You know, when we do something that benefits the community, we get a buzz. We get a nice feeling, don't we? If we're in a group of people, something as simple as we bring a cake into work? And everybody says, thanks to you know, it makes you feel good.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:44
Yeah, absolutely.
Martin Furber 23:46
Yeah. Somebody brought cakes into work for me yesterday.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:51
Oh, that's right, yeah.
Martin Furber 23:52
Yeah, a visitor came, a visitor came and brought me cake. Well, she bought two cakes, one for her, one for me yesterday. And that was so lovely. And then at the end of it, she told me it was her birthday.
Denise Billen-Mejia 24:04
Oh, that's even nicer. She even brought her own cake.
Martin Furber 24:08
Yeah, but I thought Well, thank you for sharing some of your time with me on your birthday, how lovely. It was, I was absolutely made up.
Denise Billen-Mejia 24:15
Yeah, that's lovely. Yeah. Yeah.
Martin Furber 24:18
Very nice cake too! Marks and Spencers.
Denise Billen-Mejia 24:23
And your cups of tea because...
Martin Furber 24:27
Other supermarkets are available, we have to say so it's not a product placement. Yeah. Other supermarkets are available.
Denise Billen-Mejia 24:33
If we get we get sponsorship from them, I'd be really quite surprised. But, but that ritual of having a cup of tea with somebody when they come to your house, all of those rituals help cement relationships.
Martin Furber 24:45
Yeah, that's always the case though, isn't it when you go to somebody's house, or somebody comes to your house, offering them a drink offering them something to eat depending on the time of day. Okay, you may have, you don't want somebody dropping in at seven in the evening, you have to give them dinner when it's unplanned, but if somebody drops in, in the afternoon, you know, a piece of cake, some biscuits, whatever, you know, you know, and a drink? Of course, that's that's what we do. You know, I think that's fairly normal through most cultures. There's some kind of food offering.
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:17
Yeah. And it's almost an insult not to take it. It can be confusing for some people I think. It's one of the things when, when you're working in hospital settings, we're actually told to, when you go in, and it can be very fast paced in an emergency room, you're running most of the day. But you are supposed to, when you go in to ask anything that might, other than, have you eaten yet? Thank you. And there's very short questions, it means you're supposed to sit down, because there's a signal that I'm here and I'm going to pay attention to what you're doing. And I think that that is possibly where it comes from. It's also an open handed gesture, you know, I trust you, you're not poisoning me with your tea. I am a generous person, I am giving you a biscuit. That, I think, a lot of those things are built on ways that humans have developed to, to share and to trust each other.
Martin Furber 26:20
Hmm. Yeah, right. Again, there goes another thing, trust, trust, is absolutely essential to what we do.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:28
Absolutely.
Martin Furber 26:30
Without rapport there is no trust.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:31
Truthfully, in most interactions with human beings, there has to be an element of trust.
Martin Furber 26:38
Yeah, absolutely. You know, if somebody's coming, cleaning your windows, you want to be able to trust them. To know they're not peering in to see what they could steal. You know, or anything else, you trust in a car mechanic to fix your car.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:50
Right.
Martin Furber 26:51
You want to make sure he's done the brakes properly.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:54
Or drop off the keys, so you can go pick it up later. Yeah.
Martin Furber 27:00
Right. Well, we'll make this a very quick episode today Denise, and we'll say goodbye to our listeners and viewers and let them know...
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:06
And many of you may be relieved because it was the most rambling one we've done yet.
Martin Furber 27:11
I know, we go off at a tangent, but next week is, we've got Dr. Eugenia next week. And you won't hear very much from Denise and I in that episode, because she's got so much to tell everybody. I think that was a really, really interesting podcast that we recorded her and I'm quite looking forward to that one going out as well. So, we'll say goodby to everyone for this week.
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:30
And they'll have to put up with us, again, following Eugenia before Jo, because Jo's is also an interesting episode, yes.
Martin Furber 27:40
Well, we'll have our next one better planned out. But in the meantime, thank you for joining us again. I will see you soon.
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:47
See you soon. Bye bye.
Denise Billen-Mejia 27:56
We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember, this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 28:13
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
