Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two hypnotherapists talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:16
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who would like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis and the benefits that it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist,
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor turned consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapists talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So let's get on with the episode. So hi, welcome again everybody and Brenda, our friend Brenda Rhodes. Also from my timezone which is nice. Remind me again, Brenda, where are you? Are you in New York or Pennsylvania?
Brenda Rhodes 0:52
I'm in Pennsylvania. I'm in a little town called Slatington. Some a little north of Allentown.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:57
Okay. Yeah, you're you're, you're like a long afternoon drive. For me. That's good.
Brenda Rhodes 1:01
Yes. Yes, we're about three hours away. Yes.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:07
So and Martin is obviously impressed and is unlikely to come visit, but maybe you can maybe you'll get to the UK soon. I'm certainly planning on to next year. What would you like to talk to us about today? What's burning in your mind? I know you're presenting at quite a few conferences recently.
Brenda Rhodes 1:25
Yes, I will be presenting tomorrow night on the Dave Elman conference, working with how to work with difficult people and stay happy. You know, basically narcissists are... There's a lot of abuse for people that don't realise the trappings that they're in. And so they need a lot of support to help them take command of that. And, you know, we hold all the answers inside of ourselves. So it's nice to use the hypnosis to tap into that, so that the person can create a healthy life for themselves.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:59
I spent the last five days in a doctor's conference, again on Zoom, because that's where we all go these days. It's a shame, really, but it does make it more affordable. And most of the conversations I had with the doctors were about that just like, oh, yes, you come up for air, and you realise that you've been in an abusive relationship. Doctors talking about the abusive of health, the way health care is, is administered, and the things that they go through. And, there are so many situations in our lives where we don't realise it while we're going through whatever micro-traumas we're going through. And it's yeah, it's difficult.
Martin Furber 2:43
Brenda, this event you're talking about, and this programme you're talking about? So this is to help people who've been victims of someone who was a narcissist , is it? Am I understanding that correctly?
Speaker 2 2:56
It is yeah. So I work with a lot of people in my office as well. Because I've experienced it myself, I'm able to pick up on that, that energy very quickly, specific things that are said I can actually continue the sentence with without taking a breath. And they're like, how did you know that and I think, from doing that work myself and releasing those issues, and understanding the trappings of someone who is mentally ill or narcissistic, it really gives you the the greater benefit to be able to help someone else. Because they understand that, you know, they, that you know what that was, like, you know the energy and unfortunately, a lot of people don't realise that they're being abused if they're not being hit. And so there's many forms of that.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:58
One thing that I think that is, it doesn't need to be an abusive relationship, necessarily. It can be anything where you suddenly realise you're not the only one and that you're being heard by someone that's there halfway there to a therapeutic relationship.
Martin Furber 4:13
You feel supported. Yeah, it's interesting this this thing with narcissism because over here in the UK, they brought a new law in, in recent, very recent years, making it a crime; people doing coercive or controlling behaviour.
Brenda Rhodes 4:33
Hmm, yeah, that's a wonderful we need that here in the States.
Martin Furber 4:36
Yeah, yeah. I mean, that this is a thing, now, if you are a victim of domestic abuse, yeah. The police will prosecute somebody for coercive and controlling behaviour. Say they deprive somebody of money or you know, all the other ways.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:49
Or access to their family.
Martin Furber 4:52
Yeah, that kind of thing.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:53
The isolation is often the biggest Yeah, yeah, yes.
Speaker 2 4:56
But it's also done in a way that you don't even recognise it's how happening to you. And then And then yeah and then you're you're sitting there like and then you start questioning of yourself your mental state, you know, did I forget this? Did I think I did this and I didn't or how can I do this better? Or...
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:17
is the term gaslighting?
Speaker 2 5:20
Oh, gaslighting trauma-bond there's a lot of terms that go with this. Yes.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:26
I just wondered if they are the same across the pond.
Martin Furber 5:28
Yeah, we have the expression gaslighting absolutely we do. Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:32
So trauma-bond is is this part that, there's a couple pieces to it, it's where you don't really feel like you can go out and make it on your own. But it's also where how do I put this? Well, you have some kind of feeling sorry for the individual or believing that if you did something that you could, you know, make it better and create that relationship. So, in the 60s, I believe it was either the late seven or 50s or 60s 60s, the there was a scientist, they did a scientific study with dog with a dog and the dog was in a cage. So what they did was they took half the cage and they wired it and every time the dog would go it that half a cage, that it would be electrified. So, then then after a week, they put the electrification over on to the other side, and then it trained the dog to stay on the other side. Then after that, for a week straight, they had the whole thing where the dog would be continued to be shocked. So then after a week of that they opened the door, and the dog stays there. And really, when I realised this study, as much as I love dogs, and I feel that, you know, that was unkind, it really gave me a deep understanding of why I stayed so long. Because you don't realise that this is happening.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:11
This is always your subconscious is keeping you safe. Safe is not change. You're safe is the devil, you know, is much safer than the devil you don't.
Martin Furber 7:20
Yeah, I also fear of the unknown as well.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:22
Well yeah, so Brenda, how when somebody comes, how do clients with those issues come to you? Is it after they've escaped, essentially that relationship, but they need to heal? Or do you meet people, and then they recognise that this, have they really come to you for something else, and you realise that that's part of the problem.
Speaker 2 7:43
Usually, it's for something else, because they don't realise that they're in those. And a lot of the people that I've worked with continued to work with me for a little bit. And they decided actually to get out and to get a divorce or get out of that situation. It could be a parent, it could be, you know, it could even be a child or friend or a boss. So they don't realise it's happening and they come in for it. It might be weight loss, or it might be quitting smoking, I had one person come to me because they wanted to discover past-lives. And, you know, that was what was there. And when we went to the origin or whatever was affecting them. This is what came out of it. And I just was able to recognise it because I lived it myself. So I was able to support them and guide them to create that life they need.
Martin Furber 8:38
Okay, is this sort of a niche that you're building now? Is this something that you're becoming well known for?
Speaker 2 8:47
I get a lot of referrals for this. But it's not necessarily my niche. I think it's more of my niches anxiety, which is a piece of...
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:58
Sub-set. So but my question now is, are you training people to recognise, that you recognised it, because you lived through it and you got away from it. But for those hypnotherapists listening, or even those people who might be listening, who think, I wonder if what, how would you recommend people learn more about that work from either side of the coin?
Speaker 2 9:23
Well, actually, that's what I'm, that's what I'm talking with the Elman conferenceis, I'm working with hypnotists to give them different ideas and understandings of how to best support that client and to recognise it, because if you're not in it, it's very hard to know that, that's what's happening.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:41
And well, you can't very well support people, if you can't really recognise it. Yeah, so most people aren't going to walk and say, I'm in a relationship with a narcissist get me out. It's not likely to be there presenting sentence.
Speaker 2 9:53
No, and you know, when you're in that place, there is this, this sense of shame. Um, you know, and a lot of people have judgments, well, why do you stay? Or, you know, oh, that person is so lovely. They're just so helpful, and how could you say that about them and they love you so much, I mean, and they just shut you down and you just, you're just you can't get through that, unless you're working with someone that has been trained with it or understands it. So, I think it's really important to really support the individual that's receiving the abuse, to really pump them up to get them to feel confident to get their self-worth back. And sometimes that takes a little bit of time, it's, you know, retraining them, using hypnosis to support them, instead of the negative aspect of, of hypnosis, of putting them down. And to have them keep telling themselves that they are good that they, they have wonderful qualities and that they, they have what it takes to be out in the world on their own. Because, you know, they people start to believe that they don't have strength, they can't do something. But do you know how much strength it takes to be able to stay there and tolerate that, and yet still wake up the next day? To continue? And, you know, sometimes you have the children that is your drive, or there's something else that's a drive. So I think, I think people really do have the strength, they just don't believe it. And that's...
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:29
Well, that's part of the abuse, but what other resources are you able to give them or guide them towards, because some of these people may need... The threat of physical violence may be there, too, it may never have been used. But if you challenge somebody, you know, there are missing there are a lot of women's shelters and things around. But of course, they don't put their address out there. Why would they? So what other services do you have to liaise with in order to work with people who are there? And I automatically said women, and this is not, this is not just women.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:03
No, it is both sides? And it's children too?
Speaker 2 12:06
Yes. Yes. Some of the resources, there is crime victims Council in the area, that allows them to have actually free counselling and to be able to do other different types of therapies as well. As you said, there are some, you know, help out there for abuse victims. You know, they could call 911 and get those abuse hotline numbers or look that up or whatever, those would be the other resources, I find that the ones that are coming to me are actually right at that point that they're ready, you know, they're just ready to make this move, even if they're not aware of it. And they just, they just really blossom fairly quickly.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:56
Part of the part of the reason for asking the question, I knew you were gonna say that, is to remind people that in the show notes, there will be resources for both sides of the pond. This will always try to serve up.
Brenda Rhodes 13:05
Fabulous
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:08
Martin thankfully, he knows how to look these up because he also works in mental health. Yeah, what other... Okay, so that is pretty heavy duty work.
Brenda Rhodes 13:18
Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:19
What kinds of fun stuff do you do? You don't just see that niche? What other stuff do you do, I work with a lot of older women who want to regain their confidence, and socialise, not date necessarily, but you know, get out, get out back in the world. What kinds of things do you enjoy doing as a hypnotist?
Speaker 2 13:39
I work with people to touch into their creativity, to get deeper within themselves to understand themselves better to you know, really go out and blossom, in their way that works for them. Sports, I work with a lot of different things, past life regression, spiritual hypnosis. So I do do a lot of, I have a lot of tools as well. So I do some energy work and, and I have some knowledge of shamanism and stuff like that. So if I work where the individual is, so wherever, you know, whatever they feel right about, that's where I work with. Because it's always about them. It's it has nothing to do with me, they are the one that's important at that time. And so I support them where they are, whatever, you know, whatever religion they are, whatever, they're not, whatever, you know what I just listened to what they have to say. And I think one of the biggest things is about people feeling and knowing that they're heard. And that's huge right there. You know, because a lot of people aren't heard.
Martin Furber 14:49
I'll say, I mean, it's one of our basic human needs, isn't it to be heard? Absolutely...
Unknown Speaker 14:54
And touch, you need touch, you know.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:58
Havening again, um, I remember at the beginning, Martin said he was probably going to ask you about what changes you'd seen.
Martin Furber 15:07
Yeah, I was looking on your website. I said, I see you've been a hypnotist for 25 years. So yeah,
Speaker 2 15:13
I have, it's interesting because I started working actually to, to help women give birth naturally. And then kind of did it all backwards. I learned how to do this on my own and work with people. And then I went to get my certifications and all that. So I think, you know, the world has become a lot more open and, and they're accepting of new things. And there's many people that would like to do it more naturally, instead of running and getting medicine right away, or they're on the medicine, and they just feel like they're stuck. And so they'll come and work with me. And then that way, it works together very nicely that, you know, whether they're with another therapist, or they're using alternative therapies, or even, you know...
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:14
It's my pet peeve, my pet peeve, it's not alternative. It's complementary. It's not complementary, it's not working, it has to. Yes, if you don't need the medicine, because hypnosis takes care of the pain, great! But, we should always be able to use whichever thing is going to be the most useful to the patient / client at the time, and that will change. And that's the situation, particularly if it's chronic illness, those things will change over time. Yes, it's like I just tried to get rid of the word alternative, complementary, please.
Martin Furber 16:41
Yeah, it's Denise's pet-hate, using that word.
Brenda Rhodes 16:44
Well I'm not scripted, so...
Martin Furber 16:47
I know, none of us are, that's the beauty of the podcast, none of us are. Yeah, because, as I say, we usually go all over the place. Something I found interesting on your website, though, Brenda, you you make a point of stating that you're quite happy to do home visits, I don't see that with many other hypnotherapists. Most will do it as an exception. You know, for a particular client who perhaps is housebound or something like that, I think you're probably one of the few people I've ever seen that's making a point of advertising that that service is available, do you find it works a lot better when people are in the comfort of their own homes rather than in your practice?
Speaker 2 17:30
Well, honestly, the work is done in your head. Yeah, the issues that happen in your head. So it really doesn't matter the container that it's done in as long as it's done, you know, where you're supporting the client. So, but I do have a few clients that I run to, in fact, one I see almost every week, and I'm driving an hour one way to work with him because of his work. He doesn't have that timeframe to drive an hour to come to me. So he makes it, it just works out really well. So yeah, if someone is interested, and you know, they're able to compensate for that driving time and stuff. Yes, absolutely. I'd be happy to to do that. Really, you know it the knowledge goes with me so it doesn't matter where I am I can do it anywhere with sound in the background, you know, it could be noisy. I've done that in you know, and stuff like that. So yeah, it just works so beautifully.
Martin Furber 18:30
I have, sorry, go on Denise...
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:33
it's just really nice if you have to make a house call that could be be somewhere that you don't normally get to drive but an interesting place. You know, an antique shop you'd like to go to now and again.
Martin Furber 18:43
No, I was just thinking about something you said that about other noises. A clinic I work from on a Wednesday afternoon is on a busy main road in Preston. And you can guarantee as soon as you've got a client in trance, a siren will go past you know a fire engine or a police thing, and it's like, and every time you hear a siren, you'll feel more relaxed,
Martin Furber 18:56
Even more relaxed, that's right.
Martin Furber 19:10
So do you do a lot of work with children?
Brenda Rhodes 19:13
I do, and actually right now I'm working with a couple of 16 year olds and a couple 14 year olds but I I work with people of as young as 4 all the way up to about 85. That's the span of clients that I've worked with but yeah, I do work with children.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:29
Yours is a full time practice
Brenda Rhodes 19:32
It is yeah, it is.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:33
It's the only thing you do.
Martin Furber 19:36
You also teach, don't you Brenda as well?
Brenda Rhodes 19:38
I do teach Yes, I do teach I'm a hypnosis instructor as well. And I just got my neuro hypnosis certification. And I'm also an artist so I also teach some art and I have an art therapy certification as well.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:53
Okay. That's very helpful with children. I mean, it's it's helpful but everybody was really helpful with children. You know, since, it's so recent, we can ask an adult, when was the last time they drew something?
Brenda Rhodes 20:07
Get them to draw something with their non dominant hand. And it just, it just opens up the world for them.
Martin Furber 20:14
Oh, can you all tell me more about that, Brenda, I'm intrigued.
Brenda Rhodes 20:17
Well, it allows them to really touch in and to let go of that I have to have it perfect. It allows them to connect to that younger part of them, that may have had the wound that needs to be, to either come up or to be expressed so that they can, they can, you know, create that and and to bring that part back to themselves. And realise that this isn't happening to me anymore. I don't need to keep being triggered by that aspect of when I was 5 or 15, or to that issue that happened. And this is just a great way to be able to connect to that inner, younger self.
Martin Furber 21:07
Right. So you're talking about adults here? Getting them to draw or paint with a non dominant hand.
Brenda Rhodes 21:12
Yes.
Martin Furber 21:13
Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Now, the my ears pricked up to that, because I'm left handed. So it was always an issue when I was young. Even teachers trying to make me write with my right hand when I was very, very young.
Brenda Rhodes 21:26
Yes. Yes, that's, that's common, unfortunately. Yes.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:32
So Brenda, what do you think other than doing more conferences and getting the word out to people that hypnosis is a good thing and talking to other hypnotists, what other business plans do you have? What marketing issues? Are you starting any new programmes?
Brenda Rhodes 21:47
I am, I'm creating some programmes where they can be bought in online and they can do it at their own pace. I am putting a programme, I'm actually writing a book right now about helping to be able to uplift yourself, if you have, you know, whatever crazy is happening in the world or that you're connected to, so that you can you can use your tools and stay in the place that supports you instead of being drowned down to you know, somebody else's belief system or whatever. So, and there's a lot of techniques in there with breath-work. And...
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:30
But this is for the Layperson. This isn't to teach a hypnotist. This is for the general public.
Brenda Rhodes 22:36
This is for the general public. Yes.
Martin Furber 22:38
Is this gonna be on Amazon?
Brenda Rhodes 22:41
I haven't come to that. But probably Yeah, yes.
Martin Furber 22:45
Okay, well, we can always have that in the show notes at a later date when you do publish it.
Brenda Rhodes 22:49
Okay.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:49
And remember to tell us when it happens? Yeah. And the programme that you have, is that online also?
Brenda Rhodes 22:57
The programme? No, not yet. Not yet.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:01
But, that is, you're planning on an online programme?
Brenda Rhodes 23:05
Yeah. So I'm planning to have a programme that goes with that book.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:08
Oh, I see.
Martin Furber 23:10
And when that happens, people will be able to find that from your regular website will they?
Brenda Rhodes 23:15
Yes,
Martin Furber 23:15
Yeah, okay. Well, that's great. Because that's going in the show notes. Don't worry about that people will find out how to contact you. Yeah, yes. What would you say to any of our listeners or viewers now, the benefits they could get from hypnosis, if they came to you?
Brenda Rhodes 23:31
What could they get, they will get a lot of techniques that they can use. Also, some release work, to be able to create the life that they deserve. They definitely, confidence-building, self-esteem building, self worth, to really know and feel that within themselves. I mean, I came from a place of being afraid to really walk out into the world because I was, you know, entrapment with mental illness as a child. And then I walk into a narcissistic relationship as a marriage. And by doing those tools, I can honestly say is that I love myself and I think that's the biggest point about this is to help people to really get in touch with their inner self, to know who they are, and to truly love and accept themselves just as they are and to know that they are perfect as they are.
Martin Furber 24:35
I think you ooze confidence, Brenda. You strike me as a wonderful, confident person. I would never have thought that you'd have confidence issues in the past. Not at all.
Brenda Rhodes 24:47
I've done my work...
Martin Furber 24:51
Clearly! , It's been lovely having you on, and it's gone very, very quickly.
Denise Billen-Mejia 24:56
And, and it's a great note to end on. But this is really positive thing that people can do for themselves? Because it's so fast. I mean, it's not instant. It's not a magic bullet. And they do have to do some work because they have to follow your instructions. But it is, it means that within a month or two, they will see real change in their lives.
Brenda Rhodes 25:20
Yes, absolutely. And really what they, what they're willing to put into it for themselves. The more they do that, the more they have, and the more you know they can do to create that happiness, peace and contentment. And I can say that I have found places in my life that I can absolutely feel content, even when there is chaos around where you don't get drawn into that anymore. So...
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:47
You don't do drama anymore. Okay.
Brenda Rhodes 25:50
As little as possible. Yes, as little as possible.
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:57
Well, thank you so much for your time today. And we'll keep in touch and we'll see you in all the usual places, including the Elman cafe.
Martin Furber 26:07
Thanks very much, Brenda.
Brenda Rhodes 26:09
Thank you. Thank you.
Denise Billen-Mejia 26:19
We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember, this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 26:35
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
