Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two hypnotherapists talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:16
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who'd like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis, and the benefits that it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor turned consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapists talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So let's get on with the episode.
Martin Furber 0:36
Denise - Hiya.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:37
Hi, how are you?
Martin Furber 0:40
I'm good, even though we'll be talking for the last hour before we hit record.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:44
Yes, I think people realize that. Actually. I do want to point out though, that since we started this two years ago, we've had less, fewer and fewer times that we can just chat.
Martin Furber 0:55
That's because we're both so busy.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:57
Yeah, which is nice. It's nice to know that you can be busy as a hypnotist.
Martin Furber 1:01
Yeah, true. True. Yeah. I mean, it's, we were just saying that we used to chat like three, four times a week. Whereas now it literally is once a week. And we're we have a little chat before we actually hit the record button. But that's because we are both busy.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:16
I think we also should have a tiny not really apology, but explanation for what Oh, it's just you to again, because we do we do have guests, honestly, we have guests coming. It's the summer and it's so much more difficult when people are on holiday. And it's just harder to pin people down. Yeah, we do have people who said yes, and will be here.
Martin Furber 1:38
Yeah. Have the schools broken up over there in the States now? Does it vary from state to state?
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:43
Yes. But I mean, the end of May you start seeing people go on vacation, there will be people going back. And in Maine, for example. I haven't worked in Maine for a long time. But when I was there, I was really confused by people being back in school by August 1. And then in September, they're off because they have to be off for the harvest. Traditionally, it was a farming area. And so it's go back for a couple of weeks and then they're off again.
Martin Furber 2:08
The only thing I know about Maine is one Bangor Maine because you hear of it quite often. And two, Murder She Wrote - Cabot Cove. So we were talking off camera, weren't we about with it being the holiday season, how a lot of people don't switch off from it for work?
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:29
Well, they try to think they're doing it, but it doesn't work.
Martin Furber 2:34
Yeah, I mean, I am guilty myself, I keep my emai onl.
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:41
That's, what I was gonna say. Don't you think that it tends to be people, if you're responsible for your, anybody can have a hang up. But if you are responsible for the existence of your workplace and career, then it's much harder to turn off.
Martin Furber 2:58
Yeah, I mean, there's always the chance of missing I mean, what concerns me is because we help people in what we do, I always think, what if somebody contacts me, and I'm not talking about if they were in a crisis situation, but if they had been, say, really stressed, really anxious for a period of weeks, and they finally decided, yes, I'm going to contact this person and ask about getting help. And then they're greeted with an out of office thing. You know, I think it's fine getting a message saying, I'm busy till 6pm this evening, I will call you back then. But it's another thing saying I'm off till a week on Monday.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:37
Yeah, yeah, I think when you go past the week point, it's hard. I must admit, I don't, well, it's all in general, but I don't completely disconnect because I don't have a very large practice. And because I can talk to anybody on the phone, I talk to people on the phone. So I haven't I haven't ever been off grid. I've been able to contact people but it is, it'll be a message not a conversation. It's, I'm sorry, I really am out of the office. But I'll be back on Tuesday and write me a list of the things you want to discuss. And I'll get some stuff to you, you can read or something like that. Do you get? You get your people. My people just come to me through my, my website, they book a call. But you get people from three different directions, right?
Martin Furber 4:28
Yeah, we're gonna go people who are referred to me by the clinic by a number of therapists of a different discipline, and also in general from writing the newspaper articles or getting inquiries that way from, you know, general inquiries that way. the website, etc.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:49
So I was thinking well, because you've worked for them and you could tell them so the front people on the reception, when they call Martin, they could say he's away this week, but he'll be back next, but if they're coming off the internet, huh,no.
Martin Furber 5:00
Yes, that's it, because I think, I don't know about you, okay, if you were going to purchase something off the internet, for example, I don't know, a new pair of shoes like, you know, something like that. So you were treating yourself to a new pair of shoes, and you went to a certain website and they didn't have in what you wanted in your website and your colour, you go to the next website, don't you?
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:21
Yes. So you think all good. I don't mind if they go to the next Hypnotherapist, I'm not greedy. But I would be sad if they thought yes. Oh, there's no hypnotherapist working this summer. And, change disciplines or give up? That would be sad. Yeah, that would be so that's one of the advantages. I think of having things like newsletters, so they can still get some information from you. And when, you're not gonna work 52 weeks a year, come on.
Martin Furber 5:49
No, no, fair enough.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:52
Well, how much time do you actually take off?
Martin Furber 5:54
Weill it depends what you mean by take off doesn'tit. I mean I've just had over the past week, I was off work in inverted commas. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And yet, I was still really busy all that time, doing various bits and pieces. And I even squeezed a handful of clients in over that period as well. Because it's like, well, yeah. Yesterday was Wednesday, it was like, oh, well, I'm not working Wednesday. I'm not at the clinic this week. But I saw two clients on Zoom yesterday evening, one after the other. So that was still..
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:25
Now you weren't off.
Martin Furber 6:26
No, yeah. But I felt like because I hadn't been working in inverted commas all day.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:34
Rest is as good as something
Martin Furber 6:35
A change is as good as a rest. Yeah. And there's a very British saying for you.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:41
I was quite annoyed when it wouldn't come to mind.
Martin Furber 6:45
Okay, if a client said to you, if a client came to you, and said, I'm having trouble relaxing, I'm having trouble switching off from work. You know, I've got a holiday coming up, and I just don't feel I can switch off from it. My position is too important. Too many people depend on me. You know, what would you, what advice would you give to them? Or where would you lead them to seek out their own internal advice?
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:12
That's a good question. I honestly don't know. I think a lot of these answers come to me when I'm physically in the situation, not hypothetical situations, but depends on how brutal I want to be with people. Do they have the?
Martin Furber 7:28
Key personnel insurance, we call that over here. Yeah, yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:32
Yeah. And you know, get real, if it's just about, obviously, you are the hypnosis clinic. I am my hypnosis clinic.
Martin Furber 7:41
Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:41
But it would not be very difficult to figure out how to contact Martin, if you can't get me to talk to you, in talking general. And there are things in place. So you'll be notified if I'm in the hospital or not working. I don't just like, Oh, I'm off. I'm not going to tell you. But I think that an awful lot of people think, believe much more than they are essential that so much is depending on them. And it is rarely true.
Martin Furber 8:17
Yeah, I mean, I think maybe people may believe that, not in an egotistical way, just because of the responsibilities they face.
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:26
But if you're a parent, yes, you are a key person for that child. People can do the things you do for said child, but it will never be you.
Martin Furber 8:36
No, absolutely.
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:37
Sp that is an absolute. Yeah. But on vacations.
Martin Furber 8:41
Yeah. In terms of the workplace, though, the amount of people who feel they can't switch off because of fear of missing out, for example. There is always that, you know, or what's going on in my place while I'm away. Is someone going to stab me in the back, for example.
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:48
Or they realise they don't need my place. They don't need my function.
Martin Furber 9:03
Ther is that as well. Yeah, that's another possibility. But when people feel that they are truly indispensable, you know, the cemetery is full of indispensable people.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:14
Yeah. And the world's still turning filter. Why don't you and I talk over, you've written about this for one or your upcoming pieces, right?
Martin Furber 9:24
I have Yeah. But by the time this goes on the air yeah, it still won't be in the paper. It won't be in the paper for next week till the 16th.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:32
I'm proud of you, Martin is so well prepared, it was good to have this week off wasn't it?
Martin Furber 9:39
It was, but it got me thinking, you know, what, why haven't I switched my email off? And then thought, well, why don't clients switch their emails off? And then I thought, that make a good topic for a newspaper column this week, and hence, that's where it came from. And I think we need to establish boundaries not just in the workplace, but with ourselves. I don't know how you find this. Okay, is it a bit like the analogy of the cobblers children? Always having scruffy shoes or no shoes?
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:11
Quite possibly.
Martin Furber 10:11
Yeah. Do you find it easy to set your own boundaries, in terms of work?
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:19
Very, very difficult. I find it very hard to say I'm sorry, I just can't do that. And if I were really, it probably would help both parties, If I would say, I'm sorry, I am too busy to do that until January. You know, some other thing. But have you tried so and so and so and so? Which is what both of us can do, we have many other hypnotists that we can refer people to. And I think it's not so much believing I'm the only person that could do it, but I feel guilty, if I don't do something, if I'm asked.
Martin Furber 10:57
Yeah, same here. Is that down to just wanting to help as many people as possible, or is it?
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:04
Yeah. Yeah. And just in general, I think that's quite often a problem for mothers as a career issue is just like, you wait until everybody's had dinner, and all the washing is done, and all this and all this and all this. And then suddenly, you have your own private time at 11pm. Which is another thing people don't sleep because they want to have me time. Yeah, I think we really need to reset. Things have just gotten faster and faster and faster. You used to be able to go to the Isle of Wight. And when people were away, have to wait till you got back before they could, before they could contact you.
Martin Furber 11:44
Yeah, but you didn't have a mobile phone and you didn't phone home, you may have left the number of where you were staying as an emergency for a neighbour in case, your house burned down. But that would be it, literally it would be in case of an emergency.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:55
For emergency, and you only told, absolutely, my sister, my mother, those were the people who you gave information to. Probably a business person if you were really a key personnel. But nowadays, there's just the assumption that two o'clock in the morning, it's not two o'clock in the morning in Australia, so Australia can call you. And it seems we do need a reset on that. So how do you have your clients deal with this issue? If I think it works, I'll have you deal with mine. I'm really bad at this.
Martin Furber 12:30
Okay, dealing with the issue of not being able to switch off from work or?
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:34
Not truly believing that you're not indispensable. Hmm, most of us. There's, there's I mean, there is a certain amount of Yes, see, I have to be here, or it won't get done.
Martin Furber 12:48
Yeah. Well, there is that. That's why I was asking you did you mean it in an egotistical way for people when they think, you know, the world wouldn't survive without them, or their world wouldn't survive without them. As you rightly pointed out, if you were a parent, and we're talking about children, that's a different thing altogether, but talking about the workplace, I would, depending on the age of the client, okay, if it was somebody who was 45 Plus, they will well remember a time when they could truly disconnect. Going back to what we were saying about pre mobile phones, pre email, days, pre text, days, etc. And I would get them to think about that and try and reconnect with those feelings, and conjure up a desire in their own mind to get those kind of feelings again, explore that and incorporate that into the hypnosis part of the session. That would be my way forward with it and get them to experience those feelings again, in trance, really connect with them, really feel good, and really want to do that. So then they would.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:52
Yeah, I don't think anybody under 30 will be able to get there because they will never have been able to be disconnected. Or they will always have been able to connect. Yeah, so other people can connect with them. So Martin, if you have somebody that can't turn off, and this may well sometimes be me. What was the first piece of suggestion, do you have?
Martin Furber 14:15
Oh, interestingly, because if we're talking about being able to turn off at bedtime, for example, because that's a big issue for a lot of people. Interestingly, I always advise something really, really simple. One is to listen to the nighttime recording that they're provided with, which will hopefully help them get more of the right kind of sleep, as in REM sleep.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:15
What would you? You can't advise that just anybody that hasn't already seen you, because you don't just like throw these out the window at people! What would you suggest for somebody who has never been to a hypnotist?
Martin Furber 14:50
Okay.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:51
Aside from giving one of them a call?
Martin Furber 14:55
Yeah, well, interestingly enough, somebody asked me about being able to switch off that internal chatter at bedtime. Today whilst I was delivering a course, I said to them, try SEVEN, SEVEN breathing, I explain to them why it can help at bedtime in the sense of if you are breathing into a count of seven, holding to a count of seven, and then breathing out to a count of seven, any number that works for you, as long as you are breathing in, holding your breath, and breathing out for equal portions of time, and counting at the same time, because you're occupying your mind doing the counting, it can help turn off that internal chatter. Um, because of course, doing that breathing pattern will help activate the parasympathetic nervous system. And so aid restful sleep, as they say on the adverts. And, excuse me, the, the fact of counting only up to a certain number, we're going down that repetitive cycle rather than the old way of counting sheep. We're still keeping our brain awake if we've got to go 101 102. I think we can veer over to that internal chatter again more easily. So that's what I recommend that to anybody. And that is something I do myself, if I've got too much on my mind, because let's face it, we all do it don't we? We can all go to bed with too much in our mind and we think, okay, I'll just lie here and sort all this out. And then we don't and instead of just drifting off nicely, we don't, we get more and more awake. We can't go to sleep and maybe we'll get up and have a coffee and think oh, that will sort it out.
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:37
Well coffee would be, would be a good choice.
Martin Furber 16:38
Yeah, okay, then a peppermint tea or whatever. But we aren't helping ourselves at all really, if we can get that good night's sleep, something that takes us three hours to sort out in, at nighttime in bed, we can invariably sort out in about 20 minutes the next morning. Yeah, well there you go, you said 15 I said 20, without any pre conversation about that. So we're both on the same page there. Yeah, we can sort it out far easily the following morning. Again, helping in the process. And this was something, do you remember in one of our other conversations a few weeks ago, I said I'd got out of the habit of doing my really long walks because again, I hadn't managed my time effectively. Again this week, in the morning, when I had a few days off, I went on a really long walk. First thing one morning I got up, had one coffee, and I went on this really long walk came back home, then had my bath because, usually I wouldn't leave the house until I have a bath. Then I had my bath, and put on fresh clothes for the day. And I felt fantastic. And I got so many things done that I've been procrastinating about. And it was just I don't know, I've just felt so happy, so serene, and so wonderful. And that night I slept really really well.
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:39
Yeah. Yeah, definitely move, more movement helps anyway.
Martin Furber 18:01
Yeah, absolutely.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:05
Is your weather like ours, our weather has been terrible for last three weeks. I mean, terrible. Good. A day of 95 is fun. Three weeks of 95, not so much.
Martin Furber 18:15
Ours is terrible, bad. I'm talking in old money here, no new money, centigrade rather than Fahrenheit. It's been around 14 degrees centigrade, it's cloudy, it's miserable, it's grey. It's depressing. And every time somebody mentions the phrase global warming, my partner hits the roof. We've had horrendous rains here. So much. As you know, he's a keen gardener. All the lilies, which have not yet opened are absolutely rain battered, and all the flowers are starting to get diseased, like fungi on.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:51
Oh that's very depressing.
Martin Furber 18:52
It is really, really depressing. It has been appalling weather over here.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:57
That was a nice thought , for our listeners, all the people in America thinking, he's complaining about that, it's so hot here.
Martin Furber 19:06
No it's been miserable.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:08
So what do you advise for people who, after they've, they've had their sleep, yes, probably will be a little bit better. To make things, get things better into focus and then decide what kind of therapist they need, whether it's a hypnotist or something else, or if they don't need anybody, they just need a good night's sleep.
Martin Furber 19:27
Maybe, but I always say a good night's sleep is the foundation for any way of moving forward. I don't think any therapist of any discipline is going to argue with the fact that a good night's sleep is good for you.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:40
No, even my mom would agree.
Martin Furber 19:41
Yeah, I mean, if we sort out our sleeping habits, we've got that foundation then to focus on where we want to go to. But just rewinding right back to the beginning of today's conversation, that we were talking about that fear of missing out from work, and think reasons why we feel we can't switch our emails off these days, and why when people are supposedly on holiday, you know, all we hear is pings and rings from other people's mobile phones. I think a lot of it is that FOMO thing, I think, depending. I mean, when I think of America, for example, I think of you know, big business cut-throat people and the fast pace rat mill of New York and that kind of thing. Of course, not all America's like that. I know that. But I think that kind of way of life has a lot to do with it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:35
And we get far fewer holidays.
Martin Furber 20:39
Yeah, what, here we go, here's an interesting one for our viewers and listeners, what's the average holidays you get per year in America, if you're an employee of a company, paid vacation, as you call them over there.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:53
Usually you start with two weeks if you're lucky, okay, and you have to earn, you have to earn it. So it's almost a year before you get two weeks for most people. And then usually you'll be at x years at two weeks, and then you go up by one week. So if you stay with one company for 40 years, you'll be having quite a nice holiday by the end of it. But nobody does that anymore. No jobs. Partly because companies don't hang around. And yeah, there's that. Some of it you need to move in order to be seen as a new bright thing. Or if you're if you're trying to start a career, but yeah, two weeks is standard. In medicine, when I when I started my residency, everybody got four weeks, okay, that was the length of a rotation. So they calculated the rotations based on having one person from each year out.
Martin Furber 21:51
Right, yeah, I follow. Yeah. Yeah, over here, you get four weeks plus the bank holidays as a minimum.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:59
We do get we get bank holidays, but not every you know, obviously. Food shops are usually open restaurants are usually open theaters are usually open. The vast, there's a lot of people when you when you think it's a bank holiday. The mayor won't arrive, that's about it.
Martin Furber 22:18
Yeah, I mean, over here when it's a bank holiday, now that's a major shopping day. You know, it is a leisure day, and shopping is seen as a leisure pursuit, I think, really the only day where everything, virtually everything closes down on is Christmas Day. And the second one will be Easter Sunday, when most places are closed. But other than that bank holidays now we're seeing as, you know, major shopping days. Well, we have got guests coming up very, very soon. The reason it's time to wrap this one up. So any final thoughts for our viewers and listeners this week?
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:25
Take a vacation,
Martin Furber 22:53
Take a vacation. Yeah, or a holiday, as we say over here.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:56
Or at least at least the weekend. You should at least be able to check your emails on Saturday morning. And then not checking again until Sunday night or Monday morning.
Martin Furber 23:06
All right. Well, I'll catch you on next week's with our guest anyway.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:10
All right, we'll keep it a secret just in case we have to swap guests.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:13
Okay, yeah. Bye bye.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:25
We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember, this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 23:41
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
