Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two hypnotherapists talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:16
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who'd like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis, and the benefits that it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor and consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapists talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So, let's get on with the episode. Martin, would you like to reintroduce our guest today?
Martin Furber 0:40
Today we're joined this week by the person who was our very first ever guest two years ago. And that's Jason, the teen anxiety coach. Jason Hello.
Jason Langley 0:50
Oh, yeah. Welcome. Thanks for intviting me back. Yeah, two years that's gone. Really fast, quick. Now it's gone really quick, really quick.
Martin Furber 0:59
That has gone really quickly. And I thought it'd be a good time to have a catch up with you. Because a lot has happened in two years with us. And I daresay it's happened with you as well. So I just thought we'd ask, what's happening in life?
Jason Langley 1:13
Ah, guys, what's happening in life? I'm nearly two years older. Whether I'm two years wiser, I don't know. Business wise, yeah, going really well. You know, it's a constant flow, which is just nice. I also help a local charity that deals with Tourettes, and enjoying that, really working with young people and old people to be fair, with older people should I say. Wth Tourette's, I'm learning quite a lot about that now, which I'm really enjoying. I get a lot of OCD clients from that as well. Again, I really enjoy working with OCD. The results is yeah, is absolutely brilliant that we get from that. Yeah, that's it in a nutshell, really.
Martin Furber 2:04
Right. Okay. But I was going to ask you about your teen anxiety work, because a couple of years ago, you'd just decided to sort of specialise in that niche, hadn't you? How's it going? What kind of people are you seeing? What are people seeing you for?
Jason Langley 2:22
Yeah, yeah, I see quite a variety of people really, age group wise. But that is mainly obviously, most of my work is now anxiety work. And well, you know, when it comes down to teenagers and younger people. It's kind of, you know, the social anxiety, or yeah, mainly the social anxiety that comes from that. And then I think that's a lot to do still with, you know, the back end of Covid. The youngsters coming out of that. Yeah, probably didn't you learn the skills needed.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:04
Do you notice a difference in the ages, because there were children who went two years of life, their first two years of life without socialisation outside of their immediate family. But they've since had twice as much again to recover from it. Whereas in terms of their discrete age, the teenagers, you're seeing were they kids who were like, 11 or 12 when this was happening?
Jason Langley 3:31
Yeah, if not probably a little bit younger.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:33
Yeah, so really at the point where they're starting to go out past the family, and past the immediate school stuff to start making friends in other areas. And they've missed out on that part.
Jason Langley 3:45
Yeah, definitely, definitely. Oh, it's yeah, they probably learned a lot by talking to each other online and learnt a lot about technology and, and how that side is, but yeah, the actual, you know, personal face to face skills. They absolutely lost in that time. You know, and it's interesting talking to people who come to see me for that, and how much they're pretty much all the same, but kind of having different challenges, you know? Yeah, no one client's really the same, really. Oh, So, it's been, it's been a big learning curve for me on how to support the youngsters, younger people with that. And I've loved every minute of it to be fair, I really have.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:41
Do you see them for the most part on the sort of standard, I can't remember the title for your training program, but thank you, I do so, now I've asked. Do you mostly see like it's a six week program for most kids or do you have to run it out longer for some of them?
Jason Langley 5:02
Yeah. So when I first started, obviously, when we first spoke, yeah, I was doing sort of like pay as you go and not really having much of a structure, but that's how my business found quite quickly and had that structure of yeah, six sessions. Because it seemed to be within those six sessions that they were seeing a huge difference in themselves. It's very rare that I now see clients after the six sessions.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:27
Right, so just them knowing that they're able to change allows them to go off and do it by themselves.
Jason Langley 5:32
Basically, yeah, yeah. You know, because yeah, we give them the tools to understand that anxiety, and you know, how to, you have kind of their own coping mechanisms, if it ever crops up, you know, of how to how to overcome it, and obviously, shut it down as quickly as possible.
Martin Furber 5:53
Yeah, I mean, whether it be in young people, do you equip them with things that they have control over, like a self care box sort of thing?
Jason Langley 6:02
Um, no, not really, to be fair. As you know, Martin, because obviously your solution-focused as well, you know, it's, you know, what the client decides they want to do and how they want to deal with it and how they want to live their lives. So they Yeah, I suppose in a way, they kind of do come up with their own self help box, if that's the right word. On how, yeah, how they deal with certain situations. They know that they can deal with that situation, so much better than they used to. Yeah, I see quite a few school avoiders as well. Which is, which is again, it's very interesting.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:43
Are they avoiding education, or are they avoiding group settings in order to be educated,
Jason Langley 6:49
I would say they're avoiding more the group interaction with their peers, rather than education itself. You know, the amount of people that I see and they say, now I've got nothing against obviously going to school and actually learning, I just can't go to school, I find that a challenge. So it's just helping them realize that, you know, for them, it's still safe to go to school. They used to go to school and have no challenges, you know, so that's where we just have to retrain them and get them to retrain their brain, so they realize that it is safe to go back to school.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:30
And of course it was such a huge amount of time in terms of their, the number of years they've been on the planet. Three years was nothing, wasn't that like yesterday? But yeah, for them. It's a lot. Yeah, they've just slightly tangential but the mayor of Philadelphia has just made it mandatory for all city employees now have to physically go to work. And so a lot of them were holding on just being three days at the office and the other two days working from home etc. And they've stopped that now, it was like last week, I think. it was hard hard fought. Yeah, but they've got all these big buildings and they were empty and that.
Martin Furber 7:30
Then of course, you've got the knock on effect in the local economies when people aren't in the office. they don't take the dry cleaning to work with them, or you have to drop off at the dry cleaners and they're not buying lunches in the local sandwich shops if they're working from home.
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:35
Yeah, I think so. We we won't know. At some point I'm losing my ability to speak these days, some sociologist in the future will look back and speak of a great change that happened because it's going to have knock on effects for years.
Jason Langley 8:54
Yeah, definitely. Definitely.
Martin Furber 8:56
I think so, because when you think of the people you're seeing now as teenagers, and this was always something that was said to me when I was younger about how the years go quicker as you get older and they certainly do. I mean if you try and put your mindset back in that of a 10 year old child or a 12 year old child and think how long a year used to last or seem to last. You know that term from September to Christmas seemed to last forever didn't it? Until he got to Christmas you know what I mean? It's like now it's August week after next can't believe it. I don't know where this year's gone.
Jason Langley 9:33
Exactly Oh, and I definitely wouldn't like to go back to that age to be honest. Yeah, the challenges that young people have you know, far out do any challenges we had at that age.
Martin Furber 9:47
Yeah, I mean, one big thing with young people, I don't if you've helped people recover from this, is cyber bullying, isn't it?
Jason Langley 9:55
Yeah, I funny enough. I haven't. Yeah, I haven't experienced any real cyber bullying. No, I haven't.
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:05
Well, these are the kids who like being online more than they like being out in general society. So they're managing to avoid it. But there has to be a subset of kids, that they were bullied at school and now they're bullied online.
Jason Langley 10:18
Yeah, one of my first teenagers that I saw, that had come to me, had gone through a lot of physical bullying. And that's why they became a school avoider. Because obviously, you just, you know, associated goign to school with being bullied all the time. But now they are doing fine. Absolutely doing fine now, you know, loving the school, going to school every day. So, but yeah, that's probably early. No, I've probably had a few more to be fair of actual physical bullying. But yeah, online bullying? Yeah, none of my clients really talk about it to be honest.
Martin Furber 10:57
Because, you know, in my experience in the limited number of younger people I've helped. It's a question of you may get in our day, you'd get physically bullied at school, and, you know, hopefully, by the end of it, whereas these days if the humiliation is repeated forever online, if it's been filmed, and then put out there. And that's something you know, when you were saying you wouldn't like to be a young person growing up today. I wouldn't. I couldn't imagine that. You know, that is terrible. Knowing it's out there online forever.
Jason Langley 11:30
Yeah, yeah. I, I did a course a while ago, and the person who did the course, you know, really taught me something in kind of one little sentence, really. And you know, she said, like, it's as parents, you know, parents always go Oh, yeah, I remember being a teenager. Yeah, I know what it's like to be a teenager. Things we've done. Yeah, we don't now. When we grew up, we never had these. No, we had never had this technology. You know, like you said, Martin, if you were bullied at school, you kind of go home. Shut the door, yeah, get away from it and forget about it for a few hours. Yeah. Now, like, you say, Martin, you can't. It's just it's constant. 24/7. So, yeah, that's one of the reasons why I would not like to be a teenager now.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:22
So the work that you're doing with early teens, so you see kids sort of 11, 12, 13 or a little bit older than that?
Jason Langley 12:30
Yeah, no older. Yeah, I've seen quite a lot of adults. Yeah, right up to 80s 90s.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:38
Yeah, I want to stay with the school avoidance stuff. So the kids that you're seeing are children who are able to sort of analyze what they're doing? Are they able to tell you really? Do they know why they're avoiding school?
Jason Langley 12:54
Um, yeah, I would say most of them do to be fair.
Jason Langley 13:01
They understand it's some sort of anxiety, but they probably couldn't tell you what, or even sometimes you know why they have it. But you know, but once you get to know them, and they relax even more, yeah, and start do start talking to you, then then they soon realize, you know.
Jason Langley 13:21
that was probably the issue. I'm gonna go and sort that out in my mind and go and deal with it. And off they go. So yeah, yeah, a lot of them I think can do to be fair.
Martin Furber 13:32
And this is something that I find when I'm delivering the mental health first aid courses. One of the big things with young people again, trying to put our mindset over to that age group is our vocabulary wasn't that big then. I mean, adults have enough of an issue to describe how they're feeling or what's going on in here, when they come to see us. For young people, it's, you know, far more difficult as well. They don't know how to express themselves. Hence, a lot of young people just like, little scream and shout, and because they can't, they can't verbalize how they're feeling. Yeah.
Jason Langley 14:07
Yeah. It's just yeah, the frustration of it, isn't it?
Martin Furber 14:13
Yeah. So do you ever have young people coming to you that are, you know, in that state of anxiety, and then you've got to sort of, you know, really bring them down and work at it and, you know, take quite a long time or?
Jason Langley 14:26
Yeah, no, I haven't really.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:29
Do the kids refer to you, do they self-refer or is it their parents?
Jason Langley 14:37
It's always the parents. In all my time so far, I've never been contacted by a young person. It's always the parents that reach out. First, and obviously, you hear the background story of obviously the challenges they're facing.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:51
You get any feedback from the schools?
Jason Langley 14:55
No, nothing from the schools. No from the schools the only thing I've been told about schools is one of the young people I'm seeing, his teacher phoned his mom to say, he can't believe the amount of change that was going on the last couple of weeks for him to change this much
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:18
Get a testimonial!
Jason Langley 15:19
Yeah, definitely, definitely. But yeah, she, she told me that literally straightaway, to say that it was nice to get that phone call from a teacher to say, look what's happened in that. And she obviously said that they were seeing me. And yeah, that's what's gone on. But schools in this area, it's just really hard to, to get into speak to get hold of.
Jason Langley 15:42
Yeah, it's quite tricky.
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:45
Do you have much concern in the schools with physical safety? We do here, all of our schools have, all the schools in the bigger cities have locks on the doors and you've got to buzz and to get your children, you got to get to the secretary to find out where you're going, until you've gone through a little check.
Jason Langley 16:04
Yeah, I know, my boys school. If you're driving in, you got to go through a barrier. If you're walking, you can walk up to the main fence, go the barriers. And you have to buzz to get in there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. When you're in reception, you still can't even get into the school because you have to sign in and they have to let you through the door. So yeah. I don't know what it's like, you know, yes, with physical abuse now at the school, or schools.
Jason Langley 16:16
A lot of the schools here require kids to go through metal detectors.
Jason Langley 16:39
That's not that bad yet here. I think it's a little bit in London. But not in my local area. I don't know what it's like in your area, Martin?
Martin Furber 16:49
Not that bad, not like it is in London. But Denise and I had a conversation some time ago, about you know, how we have fire drills in school over here. And they have shoot down drills over there don't they? In case of a mass shooting. I don't think we have those over here.
Jason Langley 17:07
Well, saying that they have started doing lockdown drills at my son's schools. I think they practice them twice a year.
Martin Furber 17:17
So that kind of thing is going to induce anxiety, isn't it in a young person?
Jason Langley 17:22
Definitely.
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:23
You're really, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do you want to make them all somewhat traumatized, or run the risk of somebody being really traumatized?
Jason Langley 17:31
Yeah. Yeah. And I think sometimes as well, you know, what I've seen through personal experiences with schools is sometimes the language they use as well.
Jason Langley 17:41
Yeah, I, I had a teacher turn around to me and say that my, my year nine son that's going into year 10, needs to actually start acting like a year 10. Student, and he's neurodiverse, has autism.
Martin Furber 18:01
That's not helpful.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:01
So where is he anyway on the scale?
Jason Langley 18:04
So yeah. And I picked that teacher up on it. And I said, you know, have you just listened to the language you've used if you're using that to an autistic neurodiverse young person, saying, You need to be a normal 10 Year, Year 10 student, you know, how's that gonna make him feel?
Martin Furber 18:24
Jason Have you? Obviously, we need to remember client confidentiality and things here. But have you ever had a young person who's benefited from your treatment, a nd the parents have been so impressed, that the parents have come for help?
Jason Langley 18:39
Yes, I have. Yeah, I'm just thinking of a few. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it probably ends up because they sometimes realize that they're probably the challenge themselves.
Jason Langley 18:56
And it's quite nice. When, when they realize that, yeah, okay, maybe I need to change as well. And, you know, support my young person the way I should be.
Denise Billen-Mejia 19:06
Do you think some of them are realizing for the first time that change is actually a possibility?
Jason Langley 19:12
Yes, yeah, definitely. Definitely. You know, some, there are, I think we're in a, in a society where it's just all doom and gloom all the time, and they just get stuck in there, you know, the way they are their lives, you know, and just think that's normal. You know, and definitely, as parents I say, to every parent, I talk to, you know, we're never given a manual on how to raise or, or look after, you know, a child or anything. So, you know, you're, you're doing what you believe is the best, you know, nobody can challenge that or can change that apart from yourselves. Yeah, and when they kind of see that and understand it, yeah, they, yeah, they then go actually, I think I might need a few sessions.
Martin Furber 19:59
I think other societal differences, though between, say when I was young, and somebody in their teens today, you know, these days is more common than not that both parents are working, if it's a two parent household, whereas back in my day more mothers were at home than were at work.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:19
Or at least until the kids are in senior school.
Martin Furber 20:21
Yeah, yeah. So you know, so that's quite a big change. Also, the other big societal thing is, people don't seem to live in the close family areas that they used to. Used to be a lot of latchkey kids back in my day, you know, a kid like myself, I had a key when I was nine. You know, I think you get done for that these days.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:45
I need to have a serious conversation with you.
Martin Furber 20:54
But other changes as well. So yeah, I mean, obviously, there's, there's a lot more single parent households as well these days than they used to be, which, obviously, is even far more challenging if that one person has got to work as well as bringing up their child or children. You know, they've got several more challenges there to jump through other than that.
Jason Langley 21:12
Yeah. And with that, as well, yeah. You probably find that the oldest child then takes on more of an adult role.
Martin Furber 21:22
Yeah. So the caring responsibilities?
Jason Langley 21:24
Yeah, you know, so the pressure that puts on them alone is huge. No, because, again, you know, someone told me this, you know, we need to come down to their level, you know, their age, because we've been their age. They've never been our age. So, you know, putting that expectation on to a young person. You know, it definitely has an impact on them.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:55
Speaking as the eldest of four girls, that absolutely. When I was the only one in the family, which was almost up to the age of two. Yeah, I would probably rule the roost. But each each time one came along, I got to be the big sister, and you get, it's, it's not. I mean, nobody did anything terribly onerous. It was just it was so when I was first was in hospital. And they had to cancel the surgery because they had a cold or something. But they kept me in hospital to keep a little girl company because we were on an adult ward. And I remember my parents telling me now, you are six months older than her, and you have to share everything. If she wants a toy, you give it to her. I was five, literally, it was just before I turned five, this girl was four and a half. So it's and look at this, I'm relatively well adapted, but I remember that.
Martin Furber 22:54
Denise, you're scarred you should sue! Oh no, like that's really interesting that, of course, if you were the eldest of four girls, at least you were at the top of the chain. So you didn't get the hand me downs did you?
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:08
We got other people's? Not to admit I was born in the mid 50s. But there was definitely a post-war feel still.
Jason Langley 23:21
Yeah. Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:24
I think they only got rid of clothes rationing only, like a year or two before? It was still very heavily rationed.
Martin Furber 23:32
Yeah, there was a post-war feel when I was growing up in the 60s. I can remember both my grandparents having a store under the stairs with tins in case there was another war.
Denise Billen-Mejia 23:44
Yeah, that was an interesting trip down memory lane for our viewers and listeners.
Martin Furber 23:49
No, but it's true, though, isn't it? There's so many differences for young people just getting back on topic now that weren't around even 25 years ago. Well, you know, as especially when we think of connectivity and the Internet and that kind of thing, but also all those big societal differences as well. Again, that anxiety that's out there, because of you know, peer pressure to join a gang that kind of thing. Drugs are far more prevalent than they were 30 or 40 years ago, for example. I mean, all teenage teenagers explore things don't they? And try things you know, a lot of them try things out and one thing and another. Of course back in the day, then it might have been a bottle of cider in 10 number six in the park, these days, they're on laughing gas, dope, you name it, you know, the trying out those things just weren't there when I was younger.
Jason Langley 24:39
No. Yeah, I think you're right Martin. It's definitely peer pressure. To a certain point. Yeah, hopefully. Yeah. There's there's a few out there that say no.
Martin Furber 24:52
Jason, can you believe that we're near the end of the podcast. Now. We're going to include all your contact details in the show notes. What I'd like you to do is just explain to people what you can do to help young people how they, you know what, what to expect if they come to see you.
Jason Langley 25:08
Gosh what to expect when they come to see me. Actually, I got some feedback today on a networking meeting, okay. From someone I've helped their daughter, and he says my daughter absolutely loves Jason because he's nuts. Yeah. Because I love working with him because he gets me to where I want to be. And he's absolutely nuts. And I thought that's great. I love it.
Martin Furber 25:36
Use it as a strap line. Yeah, it's been great catching up with you. We'll, we'll do it again in another two years.
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:47
Thanks. Okay, thanks.
Jason Langley 25:49
Thank you
Denise Billen-Mejia 25:58
We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember, this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 26:14
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
