Denise Billen-Mejia 0:07
Welcome to Two hypnotherapists talking with me, Denise Billen-Mejia in Delaware, USA.
Martin Furber 0:13
And me Martin Furber in Preston UK.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:16
This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who'd like to know more about fascinating subject of hypnosis, and the benefits that it offers.
Martin Furber 0:24
I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:27
I'm a retired medical doctor and consulting hypnotist.
Martin Furber 0:31
We are two hypnotherapists talking.
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:34
So let's get on with the episode. Yes, exactly.
Martin Furber 0:37
So what are we talking about this week?
Denise Billen-Mejia 0:39
I thought I had, I was contacted by somebody recently who asked me if I did past life regression. And the answer, the short answer is no, I don't do that. But I know people who do and so I've referred her on to somebody else. But I thought we could talk about the whys and wherefores that we don't do certain things. For past life regression, which for those who don't know is, a you go into a deep hypnotic state for a prolonged time. And you see, whatever you see, some people are searching to believe in reincarnation and want to know about their past lives. This doesn't jive with my religious beliefs or my intellectual beliefs, either. But it does for a lot of people, Buddhists and Hindus, for example, although I haven't had any of those people asking me. And I just think that we've always shied away from talking about things that we really don't do. Yeah, we have, because we don't want to have other people either confuse the picture, we're both sort of basically, science based. And and I tend to attract people with issues that are sort of medically adjacent if not actually medical issues.
Martin Furber 1:54
Yeah. Yeah.
Denise Billen-Mejia 1:55
Which Past Life Regression certainly isn't. But that doesn't mean we have disrespect for people who do believe it. Or and we know both of us know, people who practice whose practice is open to that so we can refer people on so that was I just wanted to sort of bring that up.
Martin Furber 2:11
Yeah, Okay. Well, I put past life regression on the same level as stage hypnosis. Okay. Which to my mind is a mile away from therapeutic hypnosis, and its therapeutic uses. But, okay, I know for a fact that the National Council for Hypnotherapy, which is a respected body that I belong to, also accepts hypnotists who do past life regression. So that's, I shall refrain from giving my personal view on it, I if that's okay with you.
Denise Billen-Mejia 2:51
Yeah, that's fine. But I mean, it for me, it's, there are lots of things we've got you imagine we all of us do short, this lifetime regression. Right? You go back and you talk to your younger self, when XYZ was happening?
Martin Furber 3:06
Yes.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:07
Right. So it's an extension of that. But it's a very long technique. It takes way longer than that. Usually, it's they're three or four hours long, kind of...
Martin Furber 3:16
I was gonna say you actually have some, I know you don't practice it, but you have had some training in it.
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:21
Yeah, I had to be trained in it in order to graduate. But that's fine. It's not. And they told that this was probably allegory rather than anything else. But I think that all of our clients deserve to have somebody that really matches with their needs. If somebody comes to me and says, I want to do past life regression, I say, let me give you a phone number. I've got several people who can help you with that. And what and by the way, what's the issue? Because maybe that isn't the answer to whatever the issue is. But
Denise Billen-Mejia 3:55
I just adjust. I had another person who's contacted me recently, and I've referred her along to someone else. And I just think it's, we've always shied away from talking about what we don't do.
Martin Furber 4:08
Yeah, true.
Denise Billen-Mejia 4:08
And I think now after the vast number of years, but for me, it's about six, how many years you've been in practice? That's right. Okay. So we've been in practice for a while. And so we're a little more sure for starters, and I think it's, it's worth bringing up not so much that Oh, no, I don't do that.
Martin Furber 4:27
No, no, not at all. I mean, I'm very, very careful. I'm very, very respectful of other modalities, the same in which way, if somebody has a belief system, that I'm not a part of, ie any belief system, I won't be disrespectful at all, but you know, it's not for me, thank you very much. Past Life Regression, okay. People, I think, this is my opinion, the general public will associate that with stage hypnosis that kind of thing. Okay, okay, but then thinking about you, you've just...
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:05
Yeah, it isn't. It isn't a technique that you can do in stage hypnosis
Martin Furber 5:09
No, I realise that.
Denise Billen-Mejia 5:11
It takes a long time. Yeah,
Martin Furber 5:12
I think people think of it on those lines though. So having said that, you've just flicked a little switch in my head there, Denise, because you said, you would say to the person, and by the way, what's the issue? And yeah, okay, so let's let's, instead of drawing the differences, let's draw some comparisons. As you say, if somebody came to you and said, You know, I want to do a past life regression, I want to find out who all was in a former life. And you say to them, okay, I don't do that. By the way, what's the issue? And they turn around and start to talk about some childhood trauma that they've experienced, then, you know, then we are talking similarities rather than dissimilarities aren't we? As you say, I mean, perhaps we need to explain this a little bit more for our viewers and listeners, because we don't know if they're all therapists or not. But when we talk about working, you know, that inner child work isn't that a similar ilk?
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:08
It's very similar. And that's the way I think of past life regression. But as a, we all desperately need to have things put in boxes.
Martin Furber 6:19
We need to sort things out and have closure on things.
Denise Billen-Mejia 6:23
Yeah. So for me, if if I have a client, and whilst they're in trance, they decide to start talking to me about a past life. I'm not going to interrupt them, that's fine. But I don't advertise that I will do that. And I don't ask, you know, if people come to me, I say, Oh, I know people who do that, then they give you some names. And I think you probably are the same? You don't suddenly roll on the floor laughing Do you? So you would just refer people out? Who would you recommend people go to?
Martin Furber 6:56
I wouldn't recommend a particular individual because I don't know of any that do past life regression that I've ever spoke to about the subject. However, I would recommend some, if somebody decides that's what they want, that's absolutely fine. I would suggest in this country, they look at the National Council for Hypnotherapy directory, so that they are going to find a therapist who meets their standards, etc. And has been accepted into that particular association. That would be my automatic response to somebody who asked me that question.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:31
I was lucky in that one of my tutors from school, also does this as one of her, as part of her practice.
Martin Furber 7:38
Would that be Ilah, who was a guest on our show a couple of years ago?
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:38
It would be Ilah, I shall ask her to come back and talk about it.
Martin Furber 7:44
I think we need to get her back actually, instead of us sort of like grasping in the air and trying to talk about the subject, let's get somebody on who can.
Denise Billen-Mejia 7:53
Alright, so we will be getting you an expert in that subject, soon. So Martin, what things do you not do?
Martin Furber 7:59
What things do I not do? Well, I, okay, one of my big things is managing people's expectations. So, for example, if somebody came to me and said they had an issue with alcohol, and they want to stop drinking, can I hypnotise them to stop drinking> I have the manage their expectations, because they may well be under the impression I'm going to swing a watch, and every time they even go near a glass of beer or wine, they're going to be violently sick or something. That's what people may expect. So that is certainly not what I do. And I don't think you do that either, do you?
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:37
No, I don't do any negative. Well, sometimes things come out negatively in parts, but it's not the intention. I think that you just give yourself another problem, if you approach it that way. It has to become something that you no longer need. And you no longer want.
Martin Furber 8:53
Exactly, exactly.
Denise Billen-Mejia 8:55
Not something you're frightened of.
Martin Furber 8:56
Yeah, I mean, my my first question, I have helped few people, with drink issues. My first question to somebody is, if they come to me with a drink issue, is have you stopped in the past? When they say yes, I say to them, okay, tell me all the reasons why you stopped in the past. So they're already starting to tell you again, to get themselves in the right frame of mind for why they want to give up this time. I never ask them why did they start again?
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:13
Okay. You see, I would, that would, that will probably just be told to me, I think most people, that I know who have quit drinking, and have come back to it, it's usually because of some other traumatic event. Maybe losing a job or a girlfriend or whatever. Yeah, so you would refer those on to people who specialise in that area?
Martin Furber 9:50
With alcohol? No, no, I'm quite happy to take clients with alcohol issues. What I'm saying is it I have to manage their expectations though.
Denise Billen-Mejia 9:57
Oh, yes.
Martin Furber 9:57
Because, quite often people would expect some kind of hypnotic procedure, where they suddenly have this huge aversion towards drinking alcohol. And that's not how it works in the way I do things. I would find out all the reasons why they've ever stopped in the past. And then we'll explore why they want to stop now. And then I would move forward with the set Framework I have for all that kind of thing. You know, up to now, so far, it's always worked.
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:27
Good. We know it works. We just don't know that he will work for 100% of the issues for 100% of the people, 100% of the time.
Martin Furber 10:34
What I have done, with one particular person is referred them back to their GP immediately, because they were seriously physically addicted. And, whenever people tell me, they drink, I always double it in my head anyway. And the amount they told me they were drinking was enough to raise that red flag, if this person suddenly stopped, they risk serious physical illness.
Martin Furber 10:34
That's where I have an advantage because I make everybody let me talk to their doctor.
Martin Furber 10:39
Right. Okay.
Denise Billen-Mejia 10:40
Because there could be all sorts of things that they don't want that tell me and the doctor, if it's something that he doesn't feel I'm entitled to, he goes write back and say so. It's never happened yet. You just write, I think that's a very unwise decision. Thank you, I will reach out to the patient. I've only ever had one person refused to communicate with me his communication was, yeah, he was quite odd about it. He said, I think he thought I was having, I want to have this conversation, because I want you to be the person that gets sued. That's not the point, the point is to understand the best way we can help this person, the best for my client.
Martin Furber 11:47
Yeah, you live in such a litigious society over there.
Denise Billen-Mejia 11:51
Very much so. Although it doesn't, it isn't really very, very helpful. It's very rare for a hypnotist to have problems legally. That people that you see in the news, and we'll go, Oh, God, yeah, people who've taken advantage of others.
Martin Furber 12:10
Yeah, I mean, it's a very gentle therapy, though, the way I do it, it's very, very gentle. All we're doing is helping people to get in touch with themselves and to and to get to where they want to be. So it is a very, very gentle therapy.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:24
Now, would you advise me to refer any person who came to me who wanted to change their voice? Because I know you do that work?
Martin Furber 12:34
Oh, yeah, you're on a different subject.
Denise Billen-Mejia 12:37
If it's just voice work, then there are lots of people in the theater who can help you with that. But if it's because of an issue you're having, obviously, I'm speaking men, physical men who have now physically become women. And have difficulty expressing themselves in the same way as women and several maybe listening now and thinking, why would I want to sound like you, you're all confused. And I know you work with therapists, who actually has people come to you to finish
Martin Furber 13:14
Yeah, I work with trans clients, and just let me just make a little correction. They're not just necessarily physically changed, but socially transitioned people.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:24
Oh, do you work with the voice change even if they've not gone through transition?
Martin Furber 13:28
Yeah, yeah. any point in the transition. I mean, it can be the beginning of the hormone treatment, transition is a journey. And that could be at any point on that journey.
Denise Billen-Mejia 13:36
I just thinking wouldn't that be hard, if they haven't done the hormonal change yet. But how I would I know?
Martin Furber 13:43
Well, you know. Even though I identify under the rainbow flag, Denise, this has been a huge learning journey for me as well with my trans siblings, because people kind of just socially transition, they could have just started the hormonal treatment, or they could be right at the other end, near the end of the physical journey, etc, as well. But yeah, just for the benefit of anybody listening and wondering, when somebody begins a transition from male to female, no matter what hormones they're taking, it doesn't alter their voice, the voice pitch doesn't change.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:20
Because those vocal cords have already grown to their adult size.
Martin Furber 14:24
But the other way around, it does, from female to male.
Denise Billen-Mejia 14:26
Right, we know it's easier than, we know it's easier to gain weight than to lose, it's pretty much the same thing. Okay, so is that really a large part of your practice?
Martin Furber 14:38
It's a substantial part of the work I do yeah. I'm it's been absolutely fascinating to do and to see the differences in the development et cetera within these particular clients. This is again, it's not, no two clients are the same for one thing, for some, it's just a simple mental block as in releasing that new voice onto the world or just just a fear of using it because they don't perhaps have the confidence in themselves. They don't believe the sound as good as they do. They're the simplest ones to deal with.
Denise Billen-Mejia 15:13
Can I just ask a quick question, how many of these people have to go out and present as female now to the workforce? I imagine, yeah, a sort of them and us thing. Yeah.
Martin Furber 15:28
Virtually all of them are still working, still have to go into the workplace. And it's, it's really strange to me, because It's really interesting, and every single one of them's different, but for example, I need to be very, very careful, nobody can identify themselves from this. But somebody in a position within a large firm, where they have to do some kind of presentation to an audience of their peers or from other companies who they may do business with, when they were presenting as male, they have no hesitation to deliver what they had to do. When they present as female. Okay, people have got used to and accepted the new form that they see. But they've still been hesitant to release this new voice feeling people, interestingly, wouldn't have the same respect for them, now they are presenting as a woman.
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:15
I'm sure their would be many women who would be happy to explain that.
Martin Furber 16:18
Yeah. I have actually said a few times, welcome to being a woman. That's what it's like. You know, and it's the same when any of them have ever said to me, but I look in the mirror and I don't like this. And I don't like that. It's like, welcome to being a woman. I've never found one yet. Who's completely happy with what they see in the mirror.
Denise Billen-Mejia 16:42
Is that the only thing that you think is a different? I can't phrase this, you probably phrase it better. Do you work with the trans community about other issues as well, or that's the big issue?
Martin Furber 16:55
That's the big issue, but I certainly work with other issues as well. And this was interesting, when you started to talk about past life regression, well, then you were talking about inner child work, and yet I'vve done that kind of work going backwards. Not any regression, like you are now five years old, or just gently taking them back to the point where they can lay certain things to rest, I don't want to go into any great detail.
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:23
But usually with timeline, I asked them to go to the last time they felt really happy with
Martin Furber 17:28
Oh, yeah, I'll do that.
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:30
When did this happen? To figure out when, then they tell me how old they are when they're doing that?
Martin Furber 17:34
Yeah, I mean, I do that frequently. Anyway, when I when I first see somebody, I do the scaling, you know, where are you on the happiness scale? And I will ask them, what's the lowest you've ever felt? And I move swiftly away from that. And then I'll say, What's the best you've ever felt? And they'll give me a number. And I'll say, Tell me about that time. And again, you are taking me back to that time, not in a trance state in any way shape, or form, but you're getting them to...
Denise Billen-Mejia 17:58
But that's another thing, yeah, trance, yes it is fascinating. And yes, it requires a little help sometimes. But all of us do that. Time is only something that belongs to this world.
Martin Furber 18:13
Yeah. I mean, I Okay. Have you ever had a daydream where you sat there and for some reason you suddenly think of, I don't know, think of a happy event in your life, like one of your sons, graduations or something, and you've just, and it was a fabulous day, everything was great. Everybody looked fine. No wardrobe disasters, the weather was beautiful. And you just take yourself back.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:35
What world do you line in?
Martin Furber 18:37
Alright, well, you just take yourself back to that day, and you start to remember as many details about that day as you can, and you try to put yourself back into that day for some comfort or just to feel good or whatever.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:51
Which is of course why music has that effect on people.
Martin Furber 18:55
Oh, instantly.
Denise Billen-Mejia 18:56
Instant song yeah,
Martin Furber 18:57
Oh instantly. It came on the there the radio the other day, new seekers. I'd like to teach the world to sing, straightaway. I was back in Pineda in 1970.
Speaker 1 19:08
That's a long time ago.
Martin Furber 19:13
Okay, well, I'll tell you what, Denise, we'll get our listeners, and viewers to look forward to welcoming Ilha back to go into this in more detail. But just before we wrap up this episode, because we've actually nearly filled one up. Before we wrap up, and just tell us about other kinds of clients that perhaps you would refer elsewhere. What kind of situations would you do that for? Is there any kind of pain sort of thing that you might send somebody elsewhere even though they've been cleared by the doctor?
Speaker 2 19:47
I don't do anesthesia, that will be very right that I do analgesia. We can help the pain go away, but I don't make people unconscious, and obviously those people? I do know a few people who will do, can do. Anesthesia is used to make you sleep during an operation, I do know people that can help with that. That's very detailed work and long and they've got to go to the operating room. I can't do that on the phone.
Martin Furber 20:19
No, we can't do that on Zoom.
Denise Billen-Mejia 20:20
There are mechanical reasons I can't do things. But most it's, if I get, if I meet, for example, if somebody who was gay contacted me, a male contacted me, I would immediately say, Would you like to talk to my friend Martin? Because much as I would be happy to talk to you, you'll know a lot of their story, just because it's just as most women I'd probably connect with faster than you, but not necessarily. I mean, there's a certain amount of individual personality to Yeah, okay, to make sure that you are the right person. Yeah,
Martin Furber 21:01
I beg to differ with you on that one actually, if a gay male contacted you. They may not particularly want to talk to another gay male, particularly of a certain age as I am.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:12
Which is why I don't write back to the calendar, or put something on the calendar to say, I think you should talk to Martin. Great. Would you like to talk to Martin instead of me. I'd be very happy to put you in touch or with somebody else? Or do you want to go in and see somebody, wherever you live?
Martin Furber 21:27
Yeah. I mean, I just think it's important. You know that about rapport, isn't it. But as I say, a gay male may not necessarily want to speak to another gay male hypnotist. they may want a different perspective completely.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:41
Right. And I would assume that if it was a gay male, just happens to be, but he wants to talk about free of fear of driving over bridges.
Martin Furber 21:50
It wouldn't really matter.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:51
It wouldn't be exactly it wouldn't be an issue.
Martin Furber 21:53
No, not at all. Not at all.
Denise Billen-Mejia 21:57
I probably still would say, oh, yeah, have you listened to our podcast?
Martin Furber 22:00
Okay, so we'll leave it there for this week, Denise and we will look forward to our guest very soon. We've got a few more lined up this series. Yeah, we've got a few more lined up this series we'll drip feed them through.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:15
It's the summer, Martin, it's just hard for people in the summer.
Martin Furber 22:18
I know. All right. We'll catch you on the next one. Bye.
Denise Billen-Mejia 22:30
We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember, this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis, and is for educational purposes only to remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved one.
Martin Furber 22:46
If you found this episode useful, you can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credits. Using the link provided in the show notes. Feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes. Join us again next week.
