THT SE06 E09
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[00:00:00] Denise Billen-Mejia: . Welcome to Two Hypnotherapists Talking with me, Denise Billen Mejia in Delaware, USA.
[00:00:13] Martin Furber: And me, Martin Furber in Preston, UK.
[00:00:16] Denise Billen-Mejia: This weekly podcast is for anyone and everyone who would like to know more about the fascinating subject of hypnosis and the benefits it offers.
[00:00:24] Martin Furber: I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist.
[00:00:26] Denise Billen-Mejia: I'm a retired medical doctor turned consulting hypnotist.
[00:00:31] Martin Furber: We are Two Hypnotherapists Talking.
[00:00:34] Denise Billen-Mejia: So let's get on with the episode.
[00:00:36] Martin Furber: Okay, so let's get on with the show. Denise. Hi.
[00:00:40] Denise Billen-Mejia: Hello.
[00:00:40] Martin Furber: Hello. How are you this week?
[00:00:43] Denise Billen-Mejia: I'm okay.
I'm certainly
better than last week. Um I I think we mentioned excuse me on the last one.
I was in the hospital briefly and it sort of thrown my schedule completely out of whack and uh no no I'm fine everybody but It just threw me off.
[00:01:01] Martin Furber: True showbiz style, the show must go on. Indeed. All right, well, you know, Denise, don't you think, though, having that urge to do that could be down to perfectionist traits?
[00:01:14] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yes, yes, and a certain amount of, No, you promised you'd do this, so you must, which is a form of , , perfectionism. See, I can't even speak properly today.
[00:01:26] Martin Furber: Yeah, no, I just thought, because it's something I've written about recently, and I just thought, perfectionism, something we can help people with, with hypnotherapy, isn't it?
[00:01:34] Denise Billen-Mejia: Mm hm.
[00:01:35] Martin Furber: Providing they recognize the traits themselves.
[00:01:39] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah, or at least are amenable to, you know, The looking at those parts of it, I mean, it is obviously you want to do things as well as you possibly can.
[00:01:49] Martin Furber: Yeah.
[00:01:50] Denise Billen-Mejia: But the ism part, is not a good idea.
[00:01:53] Martin Furber: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, when you, if you think about in, in the modern working practice, we're encouraged to go for best practice, aren't we?
Excellence in everything and all these different sort of tags and names for things.
[00:02:04] Denise Billen-Mejia: Um, but that's why you
work in, you work alongside somebody else. If it's just you, then sometimes perfectionism, I'm terribly sorry, we can't meet today, I'll meet you next week, you know, you can't, um, pull something out of nowhere, you have to have enough reserve to be able to, I'm losing words again, see, I promise they'll come back to me soon, but they're not there right now.
[00:02:32] Martin Furber: Right, no, I, I, um, as you know, I deliver the MHFA. courses. And we cover on that, we cover anorexia, and we also cover the three main eating disorders. And people who have anorexia typically will exhibit a lot of perfectionist traits. And again, it's those controlling issues, isn't it? Or those issues with control.
[00:02:57] Denise Billen-Mejia: I think most people who've had, um, should get really analytical about it. Most of them have come from childhood.
[00:03:05] Martin Furber: Yeah.
[00:03:05] Denise Billen-Mejia: And that, you know, you're the eldest, so you have to set an example or a version of that your parents gave you. Um, and I don't mean to imply that, that one, you don't want to just do what you like.
That's, that's not a good way to parent either. But, um, there is, there is this idea that, that, Not completely 100 percent A plus work is a negative thing. It could be good enough, good enough to keep going. Kind of like this particular podcast. You may disagree, please write to us and tell us. But it is, it's really hard to let go of that kind of programming.
[00:03:54] Martin Furber: Yeah, I mean, it's when somebody sort of had it drummed into them and you do see this with some parenting styles, don't you? You know, you've got to get an A, you've got to get an A star sort of thing. Then yeah, it's going to rub off. It's going to stay with you, isn't it? That kind of behavior to always strive.
It's one thing wanting to do your personal best, but it's another thing that I think when you're meeting somebody else's demands all the time.
[00:04:17] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah. But even if you're meeting your own, I mean, they're really from somebody else anyway, but You need to give yourself grace, you know, and give yourself a vacation sometimes, something you and I with individual businesses tend to forget to do sometimes.
When was the last time you took a proper vacation?
[00:04:37] Martin Furber: As in went away somewhere?
[00:04:40] Denise Billen-Mejia: Just unplugged completely from work. You can take a staycation's okay.
[00:04:45] Martin Furber: About this time last year when I went to Belgium.
[00:04:47] Denise Billen-Mejia: That's
a long time now. God, it's a long time. Yeah. I'd forgotten it was so long. I must be getting old. Time is getting closer and closer.
[00:04:55] Martin Furber: Well, I used to laugh when I was little and people say the years go quicker as you get older, but they certainly do.
[00:05:03] Denise Billen-Mejia: They do indeed. It's really pretty amazing. I've been here almost six years in this state.
[00:05:08] Martin Furber: Wow.
[00:05:09] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah. And this house is, is now the second longest I've lived in a house because I was, I had 22 years in the last one, but, but, but always before that was, you know, two years here and there.
[00:05:22] Martin Furber: Yeah. Well we are 21 years in this one. I used to move house regularly every two or three years. Mm-Hmm. until, uh, we came to this one and
[00:05:30] Denise Billen-Mejia: slightly tangential, but one of the issues I have, I dunno about you, but one of the issues I have is I'm not a hoarder.
[00:05:38] Martin Furber: Mm-Hmm.
[00:05:38] Denise Billen-Mejia: Because I organize my hoarding, but .
[00:05:43] Martin Furber: Oh, serious.
You're a tidy hoarder.
[00:05:45] Denise Billen-Mejia: I'm a tidy
hoarder. Yeah. Uhhuh. So, I mean, there's, that I think is also part of childhood.
[00:05:53] Martin Furber: As in not wanting to let go of things or being told not to waste things?
[00:05:57] Denise Billen-Mejia: Not to
waste, not to waste. Because you know, if you throw out that knife that you have or give it away, something that you haven't used for 20 years, the next week you'll need exactly that particular thing. So you don't throw anything away.
Or give it away. I tend not to throw. I say try and give a second life to things.
[00:06:14] Martin Furber: Yeah. Okay. Well, what about sort of patch and repair things? Okay. I am completely uncomfortable chucking out a shirt just because a button drops off it. And I'm perfectly capable of sewing a button back on. Um, whereas
[00:06:27] Denise Billen-Mejia: The
disconnect is Do you put it in a pile that you'll get to soon, or do you actually put the button on and put it back in the closet?
[00:06:35] Martin Furber: Um, if it were, well, if it was a shirt I'm really fond of like this one, for example, I would do it straight away.
[00:06:40] Denise Billen-Mejia: Okay.
[00:06:41] Martin Furber: Um.
That's not, that's not a problem clinically.
Oh, thank you. No, it's just. Okay, it's funny how things go around in full circle though. Okay, when I was young, um, we were just from an ordinary family, things didn't get wasted, buttons would be sewn back on things or things would be patched up.
And then we go through years of being better off than we were. Perhaps ever were. Um, and relative, the cost of clothes is so cheap compared to what it used to be. Well, I can remember, I mean, I'm 60 now. When I was 12 at school, I can remember going out, buying a pair of pants for school, um, or being sent out to buy a pair of pants for school.
But I remember when they were six pounds. Now you can still buy a pair of school pants for six pounds now for a 12 year old in Asda.
[00:07:28] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah.
[00:07:29] Martin Furber: So, you know, and when I think back to that time, fish and chips was about 50 pence, whereas now it's about eight pounds. So relatively clothes are far, far cheaper than they ever were.
Um, so we get disposable with them, don't we?
[00:07:44] Denise Billen-Mejia: And
some of them should be, you have to admit the quality of things.
[00:07:48] Martin Furber: Oh yeah,
they fall to bits. But I'm still not entirely comfortable with that disposable thing. So, yeah, we've gone off a complete tangent from talking about perfectionism to waste.
[00:07:59] Denise Billen-Mejia: Let's talk about
hypnosis and how it can help with these things.
[00:08:02] Martin Furber: Yeah, okay.
[00:08:05] Denise Billen-Mejia: Sorry.
[00:08:06] Martin Furber: Getting back to perfectionism then, okay. I think we've both agreed a lot of it perhaps stems from childhood. Okay. Obviously we have the sum total of everything that's ever happened to us. So if somebody recognizes they've got perfectionist traits, I mean, what I was taught in hypno school is something is only an issue for the client.
If the client says it's an issue for them.
[00:08:29] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yes. Although some of those things can be, they they've got an issue, but they don't know where it's coming from. That's where, where somebody who's trained in these things is helpful.
[00:08:40] Martin Furber: So, so if somebody. I'm trying to think, not everybody who's a perfectionist is going to even acknowledge that they are.
[00:08:49] Denise Billen-Mejia: Nor,
and, and you can be really, really close to perfect and not have a problem. Some people just are more meticulous than others.
[00:08:57] Martin Furber: Yeah. Yeah. And that's it. But if somebody is meticulous to the point where it is affecting their life, their relationships, or they're beginning to feel isolated or something, and they came to either of us for therapy, then what would we do about it?
What would you do about it?
[00:09:17] Denise Billen-Mejia: Have a little chat and find out if they want to do a hypnosis course or two. Yeah. Yeah. We work slightly differently. I, when I do my onboarding thing, there's no hypnosis involved because I also want to speak to their medical provider, um, before I actually do any hypnosis, but we certainly talk about.
Whatever the issue slash it's not usually one thing. It's usually a combination of things. And when you start to approach one, other things tend to fall in place. But the perfectionism is only an issue if it's preventing you from actually completing something. Or, you know, I, I have to have the house looking absolutely wonderful for all people are coming over next week and you're up until 2 a.
m. every day cleaning the house that obviously is not healthy.
And
probably you're over cleaning it up.
[00:10:15] Martin Furber: But if it's a one off occasion and you've got the mother in law from hell, then maybe that's the best course of action to take. Or Father in law from hell for the sake of balance.
[00:10:25] Denise Billen-Mejia: We could talk about what to do about people who are problematic for you.
But yes. acknowledging that that is what the issue is and not worrying about the fact that you're, I don't know, your sink's got a dish in it that wasn't in the dishwasher. Some, some really quite minor things, no problem. For some people, you know, it's the last straw. Yeah. How many people do you see for perfectionism?
For how many people do you think this is some aspect of the work that you do?
[00:11:03] Martin Furber: I think they wouldn't necessarily come to see me saying, I'm a perfectionist, what can I do? It's more likely to come to me with work related stress and it's something that would come to light through discussion as it were.
And I think a lot of it would be down to examining their own insecurities and boosting their own self confidence. And I think if they felt more confident about themselves in other ways, or other aspects of their life, I think that would be a very helpful way to help reduce that overall stress with work and what have you, and help sort of reduce those perfectionist tendencies, help them to perhaps reframe things.
That was the angle I would go from.
[00:11:49] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah, I was just thinking, I wonder if the workplace stuff is changed at all by the numbers. uh, the unemployment numbers and things like that. We've got very low unemployment, right?
[00:12:00] Martin Furber: Same over here.
[00:12:01] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah. Um, and I think therefore people will say, I don't have to put up with nonsense
and
that, or, or, or take on somebody else's nonsense or project nonsense over some poor boss who is not asking for perfection.
He's just asking you to do a good job. Most of it is, it's not really external.
[00:12:23] Martin Furber: It's really strange actually, if one reads general posts on LinkedIn, despite the fact that we've got low unemployment, there seems to be a lot of people struggling in the workplace, um, with various aspects of pressure and stress and all the other things that happen within a workplace sort of thing.
[00:12:42] Denise Billen-Mejia: Do you think
some of that's from AI? the fact that so many jobs are going to change. They, they, every few years we have another, yes, this is a huge thing that's happening, but you know, the combine harvester put a lot of people out of work too, this.
[00:12:57] Martin Furber: Yeah. So did the
JCB compared to using shovels, you know, it's progress, isn't it?
Um, okay. I'm trying to think of something completely unrelated. Okay. A lawyer, for example. So AI. Could very quickly read every comparable court case in history and find where the precedent was set for everything and quote all that very quickly, um, in the same way that a really top flying lawyer will quote such and such a case for such and such a case for the precedent.
[00:13:26] Denise Billen-Mejia: It's not,
it's not, it's not the high flying lawyer. It's all the people he has working for him and those jobs are fewer now because they've got machines that will do it instead.
[00:13:36] Martin Furber: They'll look it up for you, yeah. Yeah, but AI is still in its infancy. I mean, I, I agree with that point of view that, yeah, okay.
If we'd never invented the automatic digger, the JCB, we'd still be using shovels and we would never have progressed. If we'd never invented the cement mixer, we'd still be using a bucket and water. Um, you know, obviously we need to progress. We need to move on. Um, but AI, I think is the single biggest change since the, probably since the invention of electricity.
[00:14:06] Denise Billen-Mejia: I don't think we invented it, but yes. Harnessing. We harnessed it. But yeah, pretty interesting, interesting times. This is the ancient Chinese curse. We are living in interesting times. So,
[00:14:23] Martin Furber: and they invented the abacus.
[00:14:26] Denise Billen-Mejia: Which I still can't figure out how to do.
[00:14:28] Martin Furber: No, I
can't.
[00:14:31] Denise Billen-Mejia: Which is good because we've got calculators now.
So my dear, we do have some things coming up for next week, right? We do. We have a guest.
[00:14:39] Martin Furber: We do. Yeah. But we'll, um, we won't tempt fate as we've done in the past. All right. Yeah. So yeah we'll catch up again next week, Denise. And we'll bring everybody up to a speed with a full length episode next week.
[00:14:53] Denise Billen-Mejia: Right. And I
will continue to convalesce over here.
[00:14:56] Martin Furber: Okie dokie.
[00:14:57] Denise Billen-Mejia: The weather's getting to more like I could go outside now. It's not 90 anymore.
[00:15:01] Martin Furber: Go outside and treat yourself to an ice cream. See you next week. Bye.
[00:15:16] Denise Billen-Mejia: We hope you've enjoyed listening. Please remember, this podcast is designed to give you an insight into therapeutic hypnosis and is for educational purposes only. So remember, consult with your own healthcare professional if you think something you've heard may apply to you or a loved
one.
[00:15:32] Martin Furber: If you found this episode useful, You can apply for free continuing professional development or CME credit using the link provided in the show notes, feel free to contact either of us through the links in the show notes.
Join us again next week.
