[00:00:00] Martin Furber: Okay, welcome again to Two Hypnotherapists talking and our fourth guest of the season, pleased to welcome back Brenda Rhodes. Brenda, good afternoon.
[00:00:08] Denise Billen-Mejia: Hi,
[00:00:10] Brenda Rhodes: wonderful
to be here.
[00:00:13] Denise Billen-Mejia: So before we got on recording, you were telling us about the work you've been doing with the left handed community.
[00:00:21] Brenda Rhodes: Actually, what I was doing was working with in therapy using the left hand and working with the younger part of the self so that it can express what it needs to express and release whatever trauma was there, or just get in touch with that younger part and be able to bring out some playfulness as well.
[00:00:46] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah. Do you, are you working with people because they've come to you knowing that they've had trauma or is this something that's sort of implied from the work you're doing with them? Do they know when these traumatic events happened to them?
[00:00:59] Brenda Rhodes: Some do and some aren't even aware of it until we act with that younger self and then all of a sudden it just it comes out so it's a nice way for them to release that energy because as I was saying to Martin, I can help them to.
You know, compound that you're doing great. You're releasing all that energy. You're letting go of that trauma. It's no longer needed to be held in your body or your mind. So it just gives an extra tool with the hypnosis.
[00:01:30] Denise Billen-Mejia: how many clients do you use it with?
[00:01:33] Brenda Rhodes: Uh, it's just random.
[00:01:34] Denise Billen-Mejia: Is it a subset? It's a subset of clients or it's just if you can't get to the other ways that you're using, don't work for them.
You just give that a try.
[00:01:43] Brenda Rhodes: It really is a random thing and it's really what walks in the office. I kind of work off of where that client is if I know that they're very creative. It's a nice piece that it can. You know, be an addition to helping them. So I don't work with every client in that way, but I do use it a lot with children because I have a play board and the children will take a paintbrush and dip it in water.
And then when they start painting, what happens is after, uh, maybe 30 seconds or so, the first part of their paintings start to go away. So, you know, it allows them to look at and say, Hey, yeah, that can be left go. It can go away from me now. I don't need to be attached to pulling my hair or whatever I'm working on.
[00:02:31] Martin Furber: That can be a fantastic metaphor for so many things. Can't it? The disappearing picture.
[00:02:36] Brenda Rhodes: Yes. And adults too. I mean, it works with adults as well. Sometimes you just need that visual, like. Oh, yeah. It's that easy. It's just that magical.
[00:02:47] Denise Billen-Mejia: So you, your practice is pretty full now? You're getting a full complement of clients?
Yes.
[00:02:53] Brenda Rhodes: Yes. It's wonderful. It's very steady. Yes. Thank you.
[00:02:58] Denise Billen-Mejia: I haven't
reached steady yet. I've got
spiky.
[00:03:04] Martin Furber: Brenda, when we were off air, you were telling me you're going to Ireland next year. That's with hypnosis work as well, isn't it?
[00:03:10] Brenda Rhodes: Yes, I'm going to be presenting at the Irish hypnotherapy conference in April and I'm working with energy, hypnosis and creativity.
So I'm going to be creating a script that I'm going to do a session I'm going to do with the people that are in my room something connected with a leprechaun. So it's going to be very creative and very fun.
[00:03:37] Denise Billen-Mejia: Okay. Where in Ireland are you going to be?
[00:03:40] Brenda Rhodes: Dublin.
[00:03:40] Denise Billen-Mejia: Do you have
other plans to
travel?
[00:03:43] Brenda Rhodes: Yes, I have a presentation in Orlando in May as well. I'm going to be talking to people about how to work with narcissists and then in August, I'm going to be doing a zoom presentation for the hypnosis people in New Zealand. So the association.
[00:04:04] Denise Billen-Mejia: Was
it time constraints or merely the cost of a flight that stopped you from going over and joining them?
[00:04:11] Brenda Rhodes: Neither. They just wanted me to step in because they have a program that they get together every third Thursday. And so they have guest speakers come in on Zoom.
[00:04:23] Denise Billen-Mejia: Oh, I see. Okay.
So it's not a big conference, it's just a weekly course.
[00:04:27] Brenda Rhodes: Yeah they're about 50 strong and growing, but New Zealand
[00:04:31] Denise Billen-Mejia: It's a very small community.
[00:04:33] Brenda Rhodes: Yeah.
[00:04:35] Denise Billen-Mejia: That's great. How did you get to know them?
[00:04:38] Brenda Rhodes: They contacted me. I guess. Yeah I'm not sure how they found me, but they did. So I'm excited.
[00:04:45] Denise Billen-Mejia: Great.
[00:04:45] Martin Furber: Okay, Brenda is this connected with the work you've done on helping people who've been affected by narcissistic behaviour?
[00:04:52] Brenda Rhodes: The one in Orlando, absolutely.
Quick background. I was married to a narcissist for 30 years. And I understand the ins and outs of that and what it takes to heal from that. And it seemed like as I was releasing all that. Garbage I kept having more and more clients coming in that needed help with that. So be like, they would sit down and start saying something.
And then I would, you know, after they were finished, I would just start saying different things and like, Oh my God, how did you know nobody believes me. And so, through my healing work. Excuse me, on my own, I was able to come up with a program of, uh, from survive to thrive. And I think a lot of hypnotists don't realize if they haven't experienced it, what they're actually working with, because a lot of people come in and say, I want to let go of weight.
I want to stop smoking, or I have such anxiety, but I don't know why.
[00:05:54] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah. It's the why.
Yeah.
[00:05:56] Brenda Rhodes: Yeah. So it's when you start to understand that certain key things that's related to narcissistic abuse, it really helps the hypnotist to be able to, you know, better help that client.
[00:06:11] Martin Furber: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, obviously you may not reveal all to your clients, but your lived experience will help you be able to as you say, let your client know that you understand them and everything you say to resonate with them.
[00:06:25] Brenda Rhodes: Absolutely. You can pull a little bit of that forward and say, Hey, I get you. And it's like a complete relief because when you are being abused by a narcissist, the narcissists are presenting themselves as a very strong, wonderful, helpful, loving individual on the outside world. But then in the household it's very different.
It's very abusive. It's a lot of yelling. It could be many different kinds of abuse. That comes with it, including financial. And that's huge. When somebody believes that they're stuck financially, that they can't make it because this person has hypnotized them to believe that, you know, gives me the opportunity to say, no, you, you can get out of this.
You are courageous. You are. Smart. You have everything. You have such strength because you're incurring that. I mean, it, the strength you need to move out of that is nothing compared to what you are going to spend a lot of energy.
[00:07:29] Martin Furber: Yes. Well, Brenda you'll be delighted to hear that in this country, they changed the law a few years ago and coercive control now is a crime.
Financial control is a crime. Of course, two things which happen with people exhibiting narcissistic behavior.
[00:07:45] Brenda Rhodes: Yeah I've heard that and that's wonderful. I just wish it would be in the United States.
[00:07:51] Denise Billen-Mejia: How do you market yourself these days? You put, you know, a sticker in somebody's newsagent window, or?
[00:07:58] Brenda Rhodes: Uh, no. A lot of my clients come through word of mouth, or you know, they're Googling hypnosis near me, which I have a lot of things out on Google, and I have many wonderful reviews. So they'll look at that. They may be looking at specific keywords and I also go out and I do a lot of presentations at holistic groups or spiritual communities, and I'll just give a talk or I'll do like a group session and allow them to know that I'm available.
And that's how I get the client
[00:08:37] Denise Billen-Mejia: and you feel you're at full strength now,
[00:08:40] Brenda Rhodes: I think you could always, you know, you always because
[00:08:43] Denise Billen-Mejia: you could squeeze
another one in, but you're comfortable.
[00:08:46] Brenda Rhodes: I'm comfortable right now. Yes.
[00:08:48] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yes. The call before this was with our finance person, so I'm not quite there yet.
[00:08:53] Martin Furber: So Brenda, over the last year, cause we recorded with you about 18 months ago and you were talking then about your experience in your marriage and how you've been helping people since then.
Yeah. Uh, moving forward, et cetera has, you know, have the people you've helped now from that long ago, do they come back to you to say life's great now? And obviously because, you know, you set people on the way you help them move forward. What kind of great things do you hear back from your clients after this length of time?
[00:09:25] Brenda Rhodes: A lot of the clients have actually come to step into their power and lose or leave the abuse. You know, I'm there to support them in whatever they want. So if they want to stay with that person, I can help them to, you know, be able to navigate the abuse and the narcissist, although that doesn't sound like a wonderful thing to some people, it's where that person is and we have to go and work with where that person is.
But a lot of the people that I have worked with have actually, you know, made that step and they've divorced and they're living their life and they're free, you know.
[00:10:07] Denise Billen-Mejia: Can. I just ask
if the person who says to you, no, I'm not ready to leave yet. Are they able to impact at all this person's Pathology.
[00:10:20] Brenda Rhodes: They're able to start working with their self worth and that they are valuable and that, you know, not everything that is said is true. And it's really about I work with the higher self, I'll just, you know, or if you want to call it the brain, what is right and good for you? How do you want to work with this?
How can I help support you? How can your higher self help support you? So they're able to integrate that into their world. And you know, maybe eventually they'll walk away. But some people truly just don't get to that point because they believe that's where they're supposed to be. So it's, you do what you can, but you know that once they leave.
It's really up to them on what they want to do.
[00:11:08] Denise Billen-Mejia: And probably made more complicated by having children.
[00:11:13] Brenda Rhodes: Oh it's extremely more complicated to have children. That was one of my issues. I had three children. Yeah. So, but my children have learned that from watching and growing and watching me move out of that.
And it wasn't, you know, it's not like, I'm just doing this and you walk away. There's a lot of things that are involved in this because some of this is about making sure you're safe. Making sure you have the finances, you know, just by making sure to find you have your credit card, you know that's huge so that you have credit.
So there's these little nuanced pieces that I can help people to understand how to get into that process or get them out that they get around other people because usually they get their community gets very narrow to just stuck to the house and that person. And you know, this isn't just male or female.
This is mom, dad, sister, brother. This could be aunt, uncle. It could be a friend. It's, you know, it's, it just was my part was, it was the.
[00:12:27] Martin Furber: Brenda, can I flip this on its head? Have you ever had somebody come to you who has issues of being too controlling and ask for your help to stop them being that way?
Male or female?
[00:12:37] Brenda Rhodes: Actually, yes. But I wouldn't, they didn't have the classic narcissistic signs. So they're willing to do that work. They're willing to let go. They're willing to go to those places that they've created those patterns. And ultimately, a lot of times it was something that happened in childhood, whether it was another child saying something to them, or, you know, maybe they had a difficult childhood with their parents or perhaps a parent died at, you know, when they were three years old.
So you do feel like you have no control. So we can as hypnotists work and help them find the tools that they need by, you know, asking their higher selves or asking them what would work best for them. And when they're in hypnosis and they're talking with that. Part of them that, that has those answers that hold within that's really key.
You know, it's so key. Cause if you go and tell somebody, well, this is how you do it. If they're not connected to that, it doesn't work. You have to come from the inside, something that's very tangible within.
[00:13:53] Martin Furber: No, it just intrigued me because obviously I'm not talking about the full narcissistic, as you say set of characteristics as it were but sometimes, and some people I've helped people with hypnotherapy is one part of a couple where that couple, perhaps under different circumstances might go for marriage guidance.
As it used to be called over here, don't want to call it these days. But you've got a situation in some kind of marriage or relationship, when one person clearly has behavior that is really unacceptable. And they come for help with that. You know, perhaps they. are in the habit of doing something that really upsets their partner and they realize, you know, I need to change.
[00:14:33] Denise Billen-Mejia: Yeah. And they've really halfway there just by recognizing the fact that they need to be the one that changes.
[00:14:38] Martin Furber: Yeah. And that's what I'm saying, you know, maybe they've decided as a couple that they don't need couples therapy. Just this one person needs to try and do something about something that's an issue.
That's what I'm saying.
[00:14:49] Brenda Rhodes: Yeah, and it's not necessarily even couples, it could be they're having a control issue at work, or, you know, with a friend. I mean, they're all different relationships, obviously, but yes, actually I have, as we're talking, I can think of the multiple people that I have worked with to help them, you know, let go of that control.
[00:15:11] Martin Furber: Yeah, because I mean control leads to so many issues. A lot of people who experience anorexia nervosa. It's about control. I mean, most eating disorders are about control, but anorexia specifically you know, it tends to be people who are, for want of a better description, control freaks. You know, that's my experience with it.
[00:15:33] Brenda Rhodes: Yeah, I have a 13-year-old right now that's pulling her hair and totally controlling the family.
[00:15:39] Martin Furber: So yeah, I've gotta say the word now. haven't I, trichotillomania , yeah, I wasn't I can't spell it, but I can say it.
[00:15:47] Brenda Rhodes: I can see how it's spelled, but I probably will it, but yeah,
[00:15:51] Martin Furber: yeah, we were doing some studies on older people in the UK with trichotillomania using it as a subconsciously as a form of self harm to generate acute pain so they don't feel the chronic pain of a bad back or aching knees.
Because of course we don't
[00:16:08] Denise Billen-Mejia: process it. That's what they say. If you've got a headache
stamp on your toe, yeah.
[00:16:12] Martin Furber: You see an old person and they have a scab and it grows and they've no idea how that's happened.
[00:16:19] Denise Billen-Mejia: Obviously something's going on for quite a while,
[00:16:21] Martin Furber: yeah.
[00:16:22] Denise Billen-Mejia: Alright, so what do you think since we haven't seen you for 18 months what do you think the next 18 months will bring?
[00:16:31] Brenda Rhodes: You know, I have to say I have no idea because What has come to me in the last 18 months is just marvelous and I would have never imagined. I have completed two books, and one's an ebook that's downloadable the other one is, you can get from me.
And that's on relationships. So, I, I partner. You've got a
[00:16:57] Martin Furber: copy. Hold it up.
[00:16:58] Brenda Rhodes: I do. I do.
[00:16:59] Martin Furber: Show it us. Don't be shy. Great relationship. What does it say?
[00:17:04] Brenda Rhodes: Love me, love you, love
us. And it's coauthored with Shelley Stockwell Nicholas. . So,
[00:17:10] Martin Furber: and is she a
therapist or
[00:17:12] Brenda Rhodes: She is a very well known hypnotherapist in the States, yes.
[00:17:16] Martin Furber: Okay.
[00:17:17] Brenda Rhodes: And she is the president of the IHF. So I have all my certifications through her and so I've been teaching. Hypnosis and certifying people. I've, as I said, I've read the, wrote this book with her and I've also wrote an e book. The worry detox. It's different things that people can do to let go of the worry instead of spending that energy on something that's not gonna be.
[00:17:43] Denise Billen-Mejia: Are you using that one more as a lead magnet in your advertising or is it something that people need to purchase?
[00:17:51] Brenda Rhodes: Which one?
[00:17:52] Denise Billen-Mejia: The one that yeah,
[00:17:54] Brenda Rhodes: the worry detox. I have it to purchase, but it's very reasonable. It's like 795. Okay. I want it. I want it to be accessible to whoever, you know, can use it because ultimately worry, stress, anxiety it's basically the same energy.
It's just what can we do to change that when we're in it and to remember that we do have the power to shift that because ultimately we're the ones that are creating that stress or that worry or the anxiety.
[00:18:26] Denise Billen-Mejia: And so often with it no, for to have nowhere to go, it's just sits with you and makes you feel worse and worse.
[00:18:32] Brenda Rhodes: Right. Right.
[00:18:34] Martin Furber: We will put details in the show notes of how people can obtain your book and your contact details, obviously, as well. But, uh, just hold the book up again. The cover caught my eye. It's really a great relationships. I love the, uh, is it smoke or cloud the heart? It's fantastic.
[00:18:52] Brenda Rhodes: They're actually leaves.
[00:18:54] Martin Furber: Right. Okay.
[00:18:55] Brenda Rhodes: Red leaves. Like the seasons are changing to fall. Okay.
[00:19:01] Martin Furber: Fantastic. So this is sort of, uh, Information, suggestions on how to build a solid relationship or how to maintain one or.
[00:19:12] Brenda Rhodes: All of the above actually it says, love you first, because it's really about getting to know yourself to really take care of yourself to not put yourself to the side because somebody calls you in, and this is not only for the lay person, but it's also for us hypnotists, because a lot of times it's very easy to not, you know, put ourselves first and say, Hey, No, uh, that's not acceptable.
I can't do that right now. I have to take care of me.
[00:19:42] Denise Billen-Mejia: Or
I can, I'm only free to
see you on Saturday.
Sorry. My weekends are mine.
[00:19:47] Brenda Rhodes: Yes. So it's really about. you know, giving to you and loving you so that you can kind of put yourself to the side because you are giving all you need to yourself. And then when you have somebody in front of you, whether it's a client or a child or a partner or a friend, then you can be there for them.
And that would be the love you. And then you can be together. So you have yourself and you have the you and you're bringing that together. And that's where the love us is. And there's a lot of different techniques and tools that are in this, some hypnosis, some guided meditation. There's a lot of play and lightheartedness.
This is, this book is done in a very positive way. We did our best to stay away from any negativity. So it, it's
[00:20:43] Denise Billen-Mejia: you co wrote that with Shelley or that's.
[00:20:46] Brenda Rhodes: Yes. The Great Relationships is co authored with Shelley Stockwell and the ebook, The Worry Detox is mine.
This book is a
manual.
It can be read from, you know, cover to cover, or if you're in a certain situation, you can just flip it open to that particular part and use those tools. It's very user friendly.
[00:21:11] Denise Billen-Mejia: The best kind of book. Okay.
[00:21:13] Martin Furber: Now that reminds me of some sort of simple facts with relationships.
If you have a client who is so, desperately, maybe is a too strong a word, but is actively pursuing their next relationship, let's say. And they're getting nowhere. The minute they stop pursuing the relationship, they actually start to concentrate on themselves, i. e. love themselves, self care. That's when all of a sudden, you know, a relationship will happen.
You know, you do have to love yourself. You do have to look after yourself, don't you? We give off different vibes and we make ourselves attractive.
[00:21:47] Brenda Rhodes: Sure. When you're happy you attract happy people. You feel lighthearted, you feel great. You feel wonderful.
[00:21:53] Martin Furber: I always say you can hide sadness, but you can't hide happiness.
[00:21:58] Brenda Rhodes: I don't know. I'm not good at hiding sadness. It's on my face and it's on many people's face, you know, they're wearing it. So it's a lot of energy to be in that place. There's a lot of different wonderful tools and ways of releasing that. And, you know, of course, I'm a huge advocate of hypnosis.
[00:22:19] Martin Furber: Aren't we all.
Okay, Brenda, so we are near the end of the show now. Do you have any words of wisdom for our viewers and listeners? Anything at all you'd like to leave them with? A final thought, perhaps?
[00:22:33] Brenda Rhodes: Yeah live the life you deserve,
[00:22:36] Denise Billen-Mejia: just a caveat to that, though. Some people are so deep in this hole that they don't think they deserve.
[00:22:43] Brenda Rhodes: Well, this is true. And so for those people, just know enough that you are enough to get help, ask for help, go outside, find somebody to help, you know, cause it's really about the stories we're telling ourselves. And if we're telling ourselves the story that, yes, I can get through this and I can find someone to help us, whether it's a therapist or a hypnotherapist you will create that.
You will have those tools come to you. So, I think for me on my aspect, because I've come from that place. I've had some really dark days with the ex, and, you know, a place of not knowing where to turn.
[00:23:30] Denise Billen-Mejia: Are there tips in your book on how to find that help?
[00:23:33] Brenda Rhodes: Yes, there are.
Yes. So you know, we still hold that strength, even though we may not believe it, there is strength within us. And to, you know, find those paths that are going to work. And if one way isn't working, search for more because, you know, ultimately whether you believe it or not, you are worth it because you're here and there's a purpose.
You have a purpose. And sometimes that may be just to smile at somebody. And it changes somebody's day.
[00:24:06] Martin Furber: Oh, absolutely. I couldn't agree more with that statement.
[00:24:09] Denise Billen-Mejia: So everybody, all three of us will have our contact information in the information, so.
[00:24:14] Martin Furber: We will do. Brenda, it's been lovely having you back again, having you back on again.
Thank you so much for coming back on.
[00:24:20] Denise Billen-Mejia: And I love the purple behind you.
[00:24:23] Martin Furber: Thanks.
